Am I Too Old For New York

Watching countless episodes of Sex and the City really prepared me for the busy hustle and bustle of The Big Apple. Carrie Bradshaw was right; people living in New York are in a hurry looking for three things.  They’re either looking for a job, an apartment, or if they’re a handrail sexual woman that just hit 30 with a ticking biological clock, then they’re looking for love. As for me, I have one out of three. I just landed a job at this really fancy hotel in Chelsea. I can't reveal the name because of its image, but I will say that I have never in ALL!!! my life came into contact with so many American Express black cards ...(Lord, Jesus keep me near the cross). My great friend Monica has so graciously loaned her very comfortable couch and closet space to me until I figure out the apartment system in this crazy city. So I guess technically I have two out of the three and that’s not that bad( it’s so crazy it seems as though every time I write a blog I’m either crashing on a friends couch or moving in an extra bed room, oh the story of a starving artist , lol). Anyway, I’ve started dating (more like talking) to a very fine young gentleman that I've known for a while. I don't want to say too much but I will say that I have a hot date scheduled with him the week of my birthday "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME". I really like him and he's crushing on me to, but we’re taking it slow. If all goes well with my new love, I just might have three out of three soon (dear God let’s hope so).

Living in New York is definitely different from living in the South. For one I am always mistaken for being anything but African American. I’ve been Dominican, West Indian  and  “Other” meaning anything but Black. Clearly it’s my 18 inch weave that throws the people of the city off (lol). At first it was frustrating to me but I've learn how to make it work in my favor....I'm whoever you want me to be when the drinks are on you, expect when it's time to go home... I am NOT that girl, I'm a southern lady (lol). In New York that’s not saying much at all considering manners is a lost form of art. The food here is just okay, they don’t season their food. Presentation is more important than flavor from what I can gather… well unless it’s a hot dog off the truck. People walk really walk fast here and its just best to get out of their way. I feel sorry for the tourist in Time Square because the natives aggressively push them out the way. I’ve learned very quickly to not even waste my time greeting people because they just give you this pissed off look like “why are you speaking to me” and I'm looking like "well never mind". It's safe to say I've had to do a lot of adjusting but for the most part I'm feeling like the move to New York was a good one. I finally feel like I am stabilizing myself.

I've been on a few auditions which have been a great learning experience for me. It's taught me that my head shots from 5 years ago must be burned and news ones must be made ASAP. Also the music I have recorded is a little dated so I got to get on the grind and record new music. Lastly I have got to do some major work on my monologs, making them as sharp as possible. Acting is reacting and my reacting is not giving me the reaction I need from casting agents. To say the least I've got a lot, I mean a lot of work to do. I'm not gonna lie I do question if I'm too old to start basically all over yet again. I look at people my age on facebook and twitter living the good life and I'm like damnit I hate them (lol) But then I use my hate as fuel to keep going, I’ll catch up with the high life folks sooner or later, I’m praying much sooner than later(lol). Even if I am too old to start all over yet again I'm an able body with passion and drive running through my bones. As long as I have that then I’ll keep going, well at least until I meet a man that will marry me and knock me up (lol). Then I can blame him and the kid for throwing me off course (lol).

And on that note, to my friend who is my age or older wondering if now is a good time to call it quits, I'm telling you DON’T. Colonel Sanders didn’t start frying chicken til he was 65. Now look at him… dead and rich, lol.  At least we’re not that old, which means there’s a possibility that we’ll get spend a little of our rewards while living (lol). If nothing else, just keep going until you find a man who will marry you and knock you up. Then you can stop and blame them for not seeing your dreams through (lol).

Til Next Time

Simply Lola

Black Politics to Jewish Good Times

I’m staying with my friend Monica for a little while until I can get a place in the city. I’m sending out my resume to every temp agency and craigslist listing that I can find because in as much as I am dying to become the next big super star recording artist, in the mean time a sista has gotta eat. Anyway Monica has a friend who invited us to a Black Political Party event in Soho (which is like downtown New York). The event was mainly to promote Aids awareness and network with young black professionals. I was excited about attending the event but a little hesitate because although I’m black but my profession has nothing to do with politics ( well it does and it doesn’t, I mean there are politics in everything these days). I agreed to go because I’m still in tourist mode which means I want to go and do any and everything I can possibly do plus I still need a job ( you never know, maybe I run into someone who’s hiring up and coming super star recording artist).

We were late arriving to the networking event because of traffic. Of course I figure it wouldn’t be a big deal considering it was a Wednesday evening and  who really goes out on a Wednesday!?! Clearly I was wrong apparently Wednesday nights for New York locals is the night to go out, which means everybody is out. When I realized we were standing in very long line having to wait for people to leave because the venue was over its capacity, I quickly thought “Lola, we ain’t in Dallas anymore”. See in Dallas when a promoter says “Get there early” it’s lingo for “Please come to my party” but when a New York promoter says get there early that’s lingo for “if ya on time, ya to late”. Thankfully we didn’t have to stand in line too long because we were with a friend of Monica’s who had a friend who was being honored at the event. Anyway, the club was totally sheik, and polished, very sexy and just so New York. There were photographers and red carpet, and famous people, not super star famous but back in the day famous people. Like Salt&Peppa and Melissa Ford (which was a shock, but apparently she’s a up and coming socialite in New York, so I hear).

I attempted to move around the overwhelmingly over crowded venue. I mean it was so many people in this little bitty space it felt like Texas heat in mid day August ( Jesus keep me near the cross ). The way the men and women dressed and interacted with each other I kind a felt like I was in a new era of the Harlem Renaissance. Everywhere I turned I bumped into a corporate professional by day but a passionate poet by life or a lawyer by occupation but a strong community activist by passion. And then there was me an up and coming recording artist fitting right in. I was in awe of what I rarely saw in Dallas and very excited to be among the revival of the Harlem Renaissance. I enjoyed talking black politics but it was getting a bite boring. So we left and headed uptown to a roof top party where we in the company of the popular girls from the reality show Empire Girls (I don’t know much about them other than one of them was part of the group Cheetah Girls but is known as the ex-girlfriend of Rob Kardashian) and very cute Jewish gentlemen.

The roof top party was a lot of fun.  The Empire Girls however, very boring... it was a kind of pretentious, but that’s my opinion. There was some type of young professional Jewish networking event going which mixed in with the “Empire Girls” party and that is what made super fun. There were two really cute Jewish guys who entertained us with conversation and complimentary cosmopolitans. They talked to us about how the Jewish single girls were really trying to sale themselves to a wealthy Jewish guy. But the wealthy Jewish guys were only buy what they were selling for one night (it looks like Jewish single women are having the same struggle of black women), I guess some things are the same no matter what race you are (lol). In the midst of our Jewish good time I met Andrew. Andrew loved my Texan accent and asked if we could exchange numbers and go out for happy hour. I told him that I’m a huge fan of football but not as much as I am a huge fan of cheap drinks between the hours of 4&8pm (lol).  So you know what that means…yep I got me a date with a Jew. Jesus was Jew so I should be ok, then again let us pray.

New York for the most part is absolutely great. I am fitting in like I've been here all my life...well that’s until I open my mouth and talk, clearly I'm straight from the south. However I’m still unsure of my random move I’ve decided to stick with and work through it.

Until Next Time
Simply Lola

In A Crazy Stupid Dumb, New York State of Mind

Last night I traveled by Southwest airlines to Nuttly, NJ with only one bag and one dream (sounds like a start of a beautiful story). I traveled with my set that I can do anything because I believe that I can... Flyyyy. Yes, I believe that I can touch the Sky, I can see me running through that open doors (and I forgot the words after that, lol) but my point is I believe I can fly. I woke up this morning inspired, revived and very excited. This lil ole southern bell from the great state of Texas has finally made it the Big Apple (well not quite, I have to catch a 15min. bus ride to the city). I was feeling so happy that I sang every fast Kirk Franklin gospel song I think of in the shower. I got dress, got on the bus and rode all the way to Manhattan in good spirits. Then the bus stop and my feet hit the pavement of 5^th and some other street and realized I have no idea where I was going. In the middle of Time Square blending in with tourist I thought to myself "Houston I have a problem". Thankful my friend Monica pointed me in the right direction. She lead to where she was and I had my first meal in Manhatten. The check all the revival exciting emotions quickly left my mind, body and soul and it hit me "oh shoot, I need a job".

I was supposed to be working for the NBA draft this week but apparently something fell through with my credentials and well one thing I have learned is “ things happens”… yet again another broken promise, but its no ones fault I would have come out here anyway. Well, I’m here now and I can’t sing another sad love song because that song only pays Toni Braxton's bills (then again, it all depends on whose listening, lol). The good news is I did however manage to line up some interviews and contact some people about some gigs and potentical job opportunities  so hopefully I’ll get some call backs shortly.

Never the less I have decided to fast and pray through this journey in New York City. Mainly because I’m limited on funds and its going to take a whole lot of leaning and depending on Jesus to get me through my “pursuit of happiness.  Since I could only afford a one way ticket for me I figure my friends and family can come along for the ride via internet. I’m gonna do my best to write something every day. I’m human so if I slip up and forget but please forgive me.

I know that this move has got to be the craziest thing I have yet to do and some people are calling it dumb and even stupid. I could defend it and say I’m just having the guts to believe in myself. But the truth of the matter is that this move is crazy, stupid and even dumb but hey sometimes it takes something crazy stupid and dumb to force us into doing our hearts desires. The worse thing that can happen is a fail tragically. I’ve failed before so I’ll manage to survive through faith. I mean if I can survive time spent in jail I can manage New York by way of Newark.  So dear friends in as much as I would love a nice donation from you to the  Crazy, Stupid, Dumb fund for big dreams, all I ask is to keep me in your prayers.

Til Next Time

Simply Lola

In The Middle of Moving Forward

I’m back in Atlanta and I have no clue what to do next. And what I mean by “ I have no clue what to do next” is my schedule date to move to New York has been pushed back yet again. My friend that I  am making the drive with is on dialysis for his kidneys was informed that the center that he would be receiving treatment from doesn’t have a bed for him just yet and the place that I will be living isn't all the way ready. This move to New York has become more frustrating than fun. It’s like one thing after another which is making me question if this is something I should do. I kind of feel like I’m so accustom to doing things the HARD way that anything EASY is something I don’t trust (which could be a major problem in my thought process). I feel like I’m right in the middle of moving forward which is putting me at a stand still. Being in the middle of moving forward I stop to look both ways. I look at what lies ahead and then I look back at what is familiar and safe. As I look in both directions I question what to do. Do I move forward (New York) unsure of what will happen or do I go back (Dallas) to where it’s safe.

Before I left home a few weeks ago, my dad came in my bedroom and gave me a hug so tight th at it said everything without words,I could feel his thoughts. His hug said, Tisa I don’t want you to go, I don’t understand why you have to go but either way I love you, and believe in you, and I support you. Before he released me from his arms he whispered a prayer. He thanked God for me and asked him to protect me and make all my dreams come true ( You hear that  God, thou shall make me a Super Star Recording Artist  and Detroit Lions WR Calvin Johnson my baby daddy but i'll settle for my boyfriend, lol).   Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. To make light of our sappy farewell I told my dad not to worry I will be just fine I know how to scream stranger danger. He didn’t laugh so I guess it was a bad joke. My mom carried me to my sister’s school because she would be taking to the airport. And on the way to my sister's my sweet, sweet mother gave me an ear of do’s and don’ts. Do this and don’t do that, make sure I buy two good church dress (um, not sure what that has to do with anything), and don’t sell my soul to the devil (yes mom I'll do my best). In as much as I was annoyed by her sermon of “Lola Natisa Wilson thou shall do and not do”, I listened because I knew everything she was saying to me was coming from a place of love. My sister has so much going on she just dropped me off and said she loved me....short, sweet, and simple.

On my plane ride I thought about how I am the queen of set backs and delays.Everytime I feel like I am making great strides it never fails I am somehow hit with a huge set back. Having to experience setback after setbback and delay after delay I often wonder why I haven't thrown up my hands and said FUCK IT!!! I QUIT. The crazy thing about true passion andstrong desires is that no matter what I can never seem to walk away. It's like if I were to walk away from what I really want for myself I'd be walking away from who I am. I feel like I am in the middle of moving forward but at least I am moving forward and not backward. 

I remember what I heard Kirk Franklin once say... A delayed prayer isn't a denined prayer ( not sure if that was his exact words, close enough) . As I wait for things that are out of my control come together. I'll go back to Dallas for a few weeks and get my ducks in a row and continue to move forward. In all that is going on I feel like my faith is being tested and this time I will pass this test with confidence.

If you're standing in the middle of moving forward know that everything, I mean everything will work out. Please don't worry about what will happen, when it will happen or even how it will happen.  Just know it will happen. Believe it, Know it, and Own it

Til Next Time

Simply Lola

Emotional Rollercoaster

It’s been a long time coming. I haven’t written in weeks and my reason for that is because of the lack of time in a day, a little bit of writers block but mostly because I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. It’s been one thing after another with my move to New York. At first I was extremely excited with moving to New York, and then my future job told me they have over budgeted for my position and that I may not be needed for it at all. Clearly that took me from an extreme high to an ultimate low. To receive the news of being fired before ever even getting started was just tragic. Although it wasn’t confirmed I knew I had to figure out a plan B…what was I going to do?!?! I had given my notice to both of my jobs and my position had been filled. I wasn’t sure if I should stay in Atlanta and just try to make the best out of my disappointing situation or just go home. I even thought about all the people I told and how I would be judge as the girl that just can’t seem to get her shit together. Hence my exhausting emotional rollercoaster ride.

The day I received the news that my dreams of living in the Big Apple maybe postponed was also my last day working my retail job at Lenox Mall. My co-workers and I had created a very strong and tight bond. We always support and encourage each other in whatever it is that we’re doing. It was the day I would be saying goodbye to very close friends and the weight of not knowing where I would be a very heavy load I'd carry on my heart. Tears were streaming down my face because of heart breaking news from my future job and for the fact that I would no longer be working with people who were now my friends. My manager and good Maggie painted me the beautiful portrait that said “life is good” clearly that just made me even more emotion. The day was filled with flooding tears. When we closed the store for the night we figure we’d feed my unstable emotions with long island ice teas and shots, shots of any and everything I could through back (lol). The drinking was a good distraction from all that I was encountering at once, but when the bar did last call I was quickly reminded of my confusion and the urgency for me to make a wise decision (Oh dear God, what was I going to do).

When I got home I sat in my car, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. As soon as I opened my eyes I got a text from the Titan. My thoughts were I really can’t take anymore disappointments and what could he possibly want. Still under the influence of way too much alcohol I couldn’t figure out how to text him back, so I called. He answered and before he could even say hello I just started crying like an out of control woman saying “I think I was just fired from a job that I hadn’t even started”. Shockingly he stayed on the phone and just let cry. The crazy thing is I never had been this vulnerable with him. Until that night I would have never ever considered him to be a person that I could lean on. OMG!!! he’s not the jackass that broke my heart and colored me crazy, he’s actually a F.R.I.E.N.D…he’s a friend or was one that night, Now wait! Just because the Titan is my friend (which is very weird to say) doesn’t mean anything, Calvin Johnson of the Detroit Lions still has my heart. He is still the man for me, lol... now back to what I was saying. I had no idea what I was going to do. Of course the Titan suggested Dallas would be my best beat. I wasn’t against coming back home but the Big Apple has been a dream of mine since college. Ironically through my tears and confusion I never once uttered the words “why me” or “where are you God” I simply said to him that there are two things I wanted more than anything for myself this year, well three and that is God’s will, unshakeable faith and complete confidence in who I am and what I do and if I have to endure situations like this one to get what I want I'm okay with it. I even said that no where I am I know that I am a fucking  (lets just blame that statement of truth on the alcohol). Clearly he was taken back by my words but continued to listen in silence. I cried and talked about just me and what I was going through for almost 2 hours and when we hung up I said my prayers. I told God that it doesn’t matter where I am I know that I’ll be better than okay.And I jumped off my crazy emotional rollercoaster ride.

The  next morning I finally got a grip on my thoughts and wrote down what I wanted to do and what would make sense for me to do. There is no question that I am not a person that plays it safe. I live by my college motto “find a way or make a way”. In this case I am going to have to find a way and make way at the same damn time. So therefore my decision is clear to me…I am moving to New York. I have a place to stay and I’ve been sending out my resume so I’ll get a job sooner or later (praying for sooner rather than later, lol). I didn’t come this far too quit and I’m confident that not only will I be okay but I will be very successful in the Big Apple. I don’t have all the answers to a hundred questions that I am so sure many of my friends and family may have for me. All I know is I have one life to live and I want to make sure I have few regrets as possible.

Emotional rollercoasters put us in a position to breakdown and build up. It’s within the breakdown I learn how to build myself up. I can see me finally becoming the person I have always wanted to me, confident with unshakable faith. Alex and Eric my “team from Atlanta” have gotten transfers from their jobs and will be in New York in June. When they get there I’ll be ready to continue our journey of me being a Great Success.

Til Next Time

Simply Lola

Doing Whatever It Takes/ The Shit Aint No Joke

At my age many people throw in the towel, get a boring job and just give up on their childhood dreams. For women we usually meet a guy we can kinda can live with, marry him have a few kids and blame our new family we help create on why we no longer are pursuing our passion. Men however wait out a little longer (maybe like mid to late 30’s) to basically do the same thing women do and use the same excuse. But not ME! I am still yet holding on and keeping the faith. And why am I exactly still holding on and keeping the faith in my dreams? Well I’m glad you asked, because I have not found a guy I can kinda live with and get married to and purposely have children to blame for taking my heart’s desire away from me (lol). And trust me, Lord knows that I’ve been looking. There are two things in life that I really want to happen in my life, well more like three and they are to become a great success as an entertainer, to be a great mother to my children and to marry Calvin Johnson the wide reciever for the Detroit Lions, or I’ll settle for a great man of God, ( hey, don’t judge me, lol). Because I have yet to meet my husband I have not been able to start a family and for that reason I am moving to New York. I’ve always wanted to live in New York and so this is why I’ve accept a job there that will give me the freedom to pursue my happiness.

I have a friend who recently told me she was envious of my freedom and wish she had the courage to just go do what she loved to do. As she was talking to me I thought to myself she has got to be crazy to think that going after what I loved is something to be envious of. There is not a day that goes by that I wish I would have settled for stability and not sacrificed all I have on my big dreams. The only reason I haven’t given up and called it quits is because I’ve come too far to turn around. However ,I must be honest this shit aint no joke. I am homeless and carless (in the terms of not having a home or car in my name), and I pray faithfully at the counter of any and every store that my debit is accepted and not declined. This is the life of a person that is pursuing their dreams. Deciding to give what I believe in all I’ve got for however long it takes is a BEAST! I totally understand why people don’t pursue their happiness, because it’s a life of expecting the unexpected and hoping for the best or better yet to just survive in the end. I work a part time job making maybe $300 to live off of for two weeks and that’s if my hours aren’t cut and I am able to pick up some extra shift (which isn’t very often). I can’t tell you the last time I purchased something so little as new underwear (granted I hand wash my panties and bra so that they will last a long time.) Because I have made this decision to continue to press forward I take full responsibility for it and don’t use my parents as an ATM. So I ask you as you sit in your comfortable cubical doing whatever it is you’re doing making more than enough to enjoy the finer things in life like the 30% off sale at Victoria Secret or being able to pay $20 to get into a party without lying about having to sing for the guest of honor or name dropping at the door just to get in( yes, I’m guilty of all the above), do you really what to trade places with me, lol? Not to mention all the once and a life time experiences I’ve missed out on just because I didn’t have the money, like my best friend Crystals 30th birthday party in Vegas, or my nieces birthday and her dance competitions. I promise every Sunday I am in tears because I want my mommy(lol). Living a life in pursuit of happiness cost a great deal and rejection is a very hard pill to swallow. To hear someone say who I am and what I have to offer just isn’t good enough over and over again is painful and heartbreaking. I am constantly building and rebuilding myself up. Granted my struggle/ journey has really built my character but I can’t cash character at the bank (lol). It has even brought me closer to God so with that being said I’m okay with my decision.

When I look at the lives of great people like Tyler Perry, Oprah Whinfey and even my dad I understand that in order to see what God has for me I must take the risk of losing all that I have. Making great sacrifices to get where I want to be is all about strengthening my faith and for that I will press on. With that being said, to my friend who is considering risking it all in pursuit of your happiness please know it’s hard work. Most days the hard work consists of you just keeping your faith. However if you’ve reconsidered risking it all, don’t beat yourself up because I’ll be honest there are many days I wish I would have just stayed put in Dallas. Either way God’s love is still the same in whatever you decide.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Miracles and Blessing

Hey guys, for my blog this week I decided to send some love to a very special group of people in my life. They are my church family, Greater Cornerstone B.C. Every member and even former members of my fathers church have shown me so much love from the very beginning of my career. No matter what I do or where I go GCBC has my back. I wish I could come home for Easter but since I can't I have posted a little treat for you guys.

p.S.
Please forgive mw I look a little crazy on the video,I love you all and I miss you all very very very much