Thursday, January 19, 2012
When the New Year hits I always decide to make changes in my life and head in a new direction. I tell myself I am going put down the wine and stop casual coloring with meaningless men and just wait on the good Lord to send me my husband.Then Valentine's Day comes around, I get sad and find comfort in a cheap bottle of Wal Mart wine. Which lands me right into the arms of a perfect stranger, only to find myself fornicating (lol). I'm just kidding I'm a lady, I just sext (lol). Here lately i find that my great depression has gotten old and its time for a change. This year I have decided to pursue God's Will for my life. I know, shocking but true...see even Jesus loves a sinner (lol)
I brought in the New Year this year with one of my best friends Crystal and we kicked it hard. Thankfully I didn’t wake up with a hangover and managed to make it church on time ( don’t judge me, lol). I even got to sing with my mommy (that was my highlight). I spent most of my time at home playing Michael Jackson with my nephew while my sister worked on getting her school ready for its grand opening. I know!!! I can’t believe my little sister is opening up her very own school I am sooooo proud of her. When I look at her life I am just so amazed by how far she’s come. I feel like I wasn’t home long enough but even in my short visit I got to catch up with a few of my Dallas base friends and hang out a little with the Titan…oh relax we didn’t make out or color (lol). As good as I was looking I am totally sure the thought crossed his mind but Jesus is his homeboy now so it didn’t go down (lol). I have no comment about if coloring crossed my mind but I will say I kept my legs closed and my hands to myself (lol). I had so much fun in Dallas that I cried driving to the airport. On my flight back to Atlanta I did some reflecting on the time I spent with my friends and family. It seemed as though everyone was doing well and very happy doing the various things they are doing. I felt like everyone I got to see and hangout with had finally found peace and was in God’s will. I can’t help but to be happy and excited for my friends and family but I had me question if I’m in God’s Will and if I’m not what is God’s Will for me and how will I know if I am in his will.
When I hung out with the Titan he told me what was going on in his life and I did the same. He talked about how much he has been through this year and how all his trials and hard times have drawn him very close to God. It’s interesting how a rich man’s struggle is nothing like a broke man’s struggle…trust me I know cause I can relate to the broke mans struggle (lol) but I digress. He told me that he never thought he’d play professional football or even be as successful as he is within his career. Going from not even considering entering the draft to being drafted 7th round, becoming a backup for his position, to starting his position, and becoming a pro bowler several times is like a wow factor. At end of our talk he told me that in all he has accomplished the only thing he wants to be remembered for is being in God’s Will and of course a good father, friend and so forth. Listening to him speak with such passion and conviction really hit home for me. It was amazing to see the positive changes in his life. At the end of our conversation he asked me to write down five things that I wanted and release to God once I have them. Considering it was very awkward taking spiritual advise from the man I once loved and still do love I did just what he asked. It took me much longer to come up with five thing but I did and made my list. My list consisted of the following,
1. To be in God’s Will for my life
2. To be in god’s Will for my life
3. To be in God’s Will for my life
4. To Be In God’s Will for my life
5. To be with someone I really like (more like my husband) on valentine’s day (what, I’ve never had a valentine…the titan and I usually hated each other around that time,lol)
It’s so funny, last year my friend Crystal asked what if singing isn’t what I’m supposed to do with my life, my answer was I would totally die. I’m a singer. It’s what I do well and what I love to do. It doesn’t matter if I sing in front of 10 people or 10 million people I love to share my gift of song. But now I can honestly say that if that is not God’s will for me then I’m okay with that. I also want to be married to Calvin Johnson (the way he catches a ball for a touchdown pass is so sexy to me, lol.) but if that isn’t God’s will for me then I will learn to live without mega-tron. I can honestly say to you today that I’m really not sure what God’s will if for my life but I don’t regret the sacrifices I’ve made in pursuit of my passion. Therefore if I will give up all that I’ve invested and worked hard for to be in God’s Will, whatever that may be. Until I know just what his will is for me I will continue to sing and gig with my band in Atlanta, perform at the male gay bar and keep hope alive about marring Mega- Tron (lol)
To my friend who is just as lost as I am regarding their purpose for life, I encourage you to just surrender and let us both see what happens.
Til Next Time