Why I'm Not Married

 I read an article written by a writer named Tracy McMillan, I'm assuming she has no relation to Terry McMillan. The article was titled "Why You're Not Married". As a single woman I was drawn to the title and was amused by her comments. It clearly was one of those tell it like it is, keeping it real kind of view points which I totally respect. I found  her thoughts very funny but I was a little pissed off because she had been married three times while I'm a 33 year old woman who hasn't so much had a boyfriend.  Its no question that she knows how to get married but its obvious she has no idea how to stay married. Either way she seems to be doing so much better than Me, but I digress.

Her article didn't mention anything different than anyone whose written an article about who we are as single women and what we need to change to NOT be a single woman. Me and every other single woman have head it all before ,especially if you're a woman of color. Rappers of this day and time remind us every chance they get in every song they make on how we're bitches and hoes (she called us sluts) , gold diggers (she called us shallow), selfish, liars and don't know our worth. My feelings towards these accusations were not of  anger, or bitterness but more like annoyed. I mean seriously I smile way to much to be a bitch, I'm sure I've been a bitch in a frustrating moment but I have too much of a bubbly personality to just be a  flat out BITCH, which contradicts the Book "Why Men Like Bitchs" and leaves women so confused. I mean  really, To Be a Bitch or Not To Be A Bitch that is the Question,lol.

Gold digger, seriously!?! I've worked three jobs at one time, walked miles in the rain with a big ass hole in the bottom of my shoe to serve pizza to people I graduated college with, lol. And don't get me started on being a slut. Sluts have sex, lots and lots of sex.  I have had more action with my silver bullet than I have with an actual penis ,lol. I'm not speaking for the masses but I am speaking for myself. The day I am become a gold digging whore who frequently colors with multiple wealthy painters will be the day of pure enjoyment. To actually fornicate with a man that doesn't mind me running up his credit card on Christian Luboutins and Fendi purses sounds like a dream come true, lol. The only reason women like me judge groupies and video vixons is because we're pissed off that we weren't smart enough to not work as hard has them, that's all, lol. If I could sell my morals and values on E-bay surely I would but I can't cause I don't want to disappoint my sweet, sweet mother,lol who I secretly resent for making it a point to instill them in me, lol . Clearly if I  were a gold digger I would have at least had a decent pair of shoes to walk to work and serve pizza ,lol.

As for being selfish , well of course I am ...HELL its just Me. I give to those who deserve what I have to offer. I've worked hard for my shit, lol. If I give my all in the beginning then I'll be considered a push over or weak. Which here again leaves me confused because don't men love a good chase?!? Aren't they supposed to work for my time and attention, lol.

A liar, who hasn't lied. I'm mean seriously I'm not going to present myself as the girl with serious issues. Who wants to marry her. Its like  a used car,  the salesman is not going to tell you about the tragic accident it was in and how it has a major oil leak.  All he's going to do is say is it run likes its brand new, but clearly its used! Just like that used car with all those mechanical issues you wont find out my flaws until after the Honeymoon or maybe after our first child, lol. Its kinda hard to leave when kids are involved ,lol.  I don't want to marry the guy with issues either  I prefer to wait til the ink drys on the marriage licence and then call  Iyanla Vanzant later, be on the her show "Fix My Life" and be done. There's nothing sexy about coloring with a guy whose just messed up because at the end of a good orgasm I'll be sleeping with one eye open, fearing for my life, lol. As a single woman whose tired of happy hour with her girls every Friday and popping wine bottles by herself on Saturday I'm gonna lie for a little male attention, lol . Of course if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious I'm gonna seriously lie and say me either. Because if I say I am and we should get married tomorrow I'll be back in a committed relationship with my bullet. And frankly I'm just tired of buying batteries,lol. I love "Me Time" but like with any other single woman every now and again ME, MYSELF, and I need a break from each other, lol.

At 33 I know my worth. I've worked hard at being worthy. I'm not Married because I am tired of selling myself to men who are just not buying it from me. Which at this point is clearly absolutely okay with me TODAY, gotta take this single decision 1 day at a time, lol.  Who I am is who I am, nothing more or less. I'm a fun, funny, feisty flirty woman who happens to be a sister to my sister, a daughter to my parents and a true friend to my friends. I'm sexy and beautiful. Trust me I am, lol.  I'm loyal  and full of life. I'm talented in more ways than one. I'm in love with Calvin Johnson/ Megatron and if that makes me shallow so BE IT, lol. I'm a woman who is always trying to lose weight even when I don't need to. I 'm a Sunday school teacher to a group of teenagers who can't wait to graduate from high school and never go to another Sunday school class again. I'm a control freak, call me crazy but I just have to know whats going on at all times, and yes I blame my mother for this flaw. I wear weave because its just easier to manage, I drink crown and coke, and on pay day Hennessy and coke,lol. I am woman whose love language is quality time.Lastly, I'm an amazing woman and  a really good person with a few bad habits. I'm single because I'm Me.

 My attempts to emulate other people have been an epic fail. I have one life and as long as it fun, full of life with great times  and I can be the fine ass Aunt that picks up my niece and nephews from school I'll accept my Singlism (I made that word up,lol). To my friend who doesn't know why she's single well if its just because you're you, then be okay with being you. Remember we gotta accept this Single way of life one day at time. Just make it the best damn life you could ever haa and
you'll me just fine my friend.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Too Color ( Have Sex) Or Not To Color... That Is The Question

I have a friend who has vowed not to perform any type of oral sex on any man until she is married. She feels as if this is her special gift to her husband on their wedding night, um no comment. A few of our other friends feel like its crap, but I believe her. I have another friend who has committed not to have any sexual orientation until he, yes HE is married to the woman that God has for him. I must say at our age these are very great (in size I mean) commitments, considering the society we live in its easy to think....WHO DOES That?!?! I kinda find it interested and I respect them, but I can't help  wonder ( as if I am the black Carrie Bradshaw )is To Color Or NOT To Color... that is the question

At my age I've colored with  a few good men who have dynamic brush strokes but I have also experienced some  good men with very disappointing painting performances(lol). Now I can't say the men with dynamic brush strokes treated me any better then the good men with disappointing painting performances. BUT! I can say I did stick around a whole lot longer with those who always knew how to create a master piece, lol (my poor mother is probably having a heart attack right now reading this.) To say sex (or as Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and The City would put it, coloring) is not important would be a bold face lie, especially if you're canvas as seen great art work. I mean since I've tested a few of my colors and discovered coloring outside the lines isn't so bad  and the F on my report card followed by a phone call doesn't stand for failure but for Fantastic! I kinda wanna keep that around especially if  the paintbrush comes with a hook or curves to the left a little (lol).. I'm just saying, those imparticular are very hard to come by but definitely a keeper if found (lol).  So to date and not do the do until I say I do... where will that put me? I'm kinda like my niece and nephews in this decision, I'd like to know whats underneath the tree before Christmas morning, if ya know what I mean.

Falashio on the other hand or so I've heard is an art form that can be taught. Men are open to being great teachers to women who are willing to learn and like wise with women. I figure as long as the both parties are willing to learn whats to each others liking they can live in holy matrimony,(clearly i'm not married but I'm guessing if its done right, in the words of T.I. You Can Have Whatever You Like,lol.

Now of course I know that there is more to getting married than great coloring sessions with happy endings. At some point both parties must love, respect, honor, trust and do some other stuff if they want to one day say "I Do". Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man says because of that other stuff I just mention we (women) should wait 90 days, like a probationary period. I'm okay with waiting because I'd like to know before we start coloring that he's not going to beat me unconscious with his words or his fist. I'd also like to think I'm a spiritual person who loves God, even though I'm having this sinful conversation so its important to know that Jesus is on his side too. But after it is confirmed that my main male attraction is not a wanted felon who loves to make a woman's life hell on earth and he's got his life together but the coloring is absolutely awful?!? What am I to do? I'm not saying good men are hard to find but I am saying that this good woman is very tired of waiting to be found ,lol. Now somethings can be fix with the proper communication but size does matter and unlike breast there are no implants for a paint brush (lol). If I break up with him I'm shallow, but if I stay with him I'm settling!?!

After thinking about this long and hard I've drawn the conclusion that  the scale weights 50/50. You can color  or not color with him and he may or may not put a ring on it. There are some who wont consider a woman for marriage unless his paint brushed has been passionately kissed , and others who just don't care. Then there are those who require no passionate kisses but demand to paint up on thy precious canvas if marriage is considered. Same thing goes for women. At the end of the day It's different strokes for different folks. I feel like my friend Andre who is waiting to color is saying to God that he trust him to give him a wife that will be all I needs and so much more. As far as my other friend, um, yeah still no comment.

To my friends whose got the same questions that I do and more, I'd suggest do whats best for you. As a Sunday school teacher (I can feel my class getting smaller,already) it would be fitting to  practice Trust God method like Andre's doing , but I'm thinking 90 days might be a better fit for me,
lol.

Til Next Time:
Simply Lola

Surface Talk- It's THE.... OMG HE CALLED

Surface talk is the conversations we have in passing with strangers or people we barely know. Its the Good Morning!, how are you? talk we have while in the break room waiting to get coffee at work. Its the  polite but not personal way of sharing the same space with people we're not comfortable with. Surface talk is also the talk we have when we randomly call someone unsure of what to say or how to say what needs to be said underneath the surface. Men do this more than women, or at least that's what I think.  I don't know how men do it, but they know exactly the time and day to just get underneath your freakin skin,lol by talking about absolutely nothing, totally annoying,lol.

Yesterday while sitting at my desk watching the paint dry on the wall (it was a boring day at work) OMG he called (I haven't thought of a good nick name for him yet) but any way OMG!!! he called. He called and said, Hi. At first I didn't want to answer the phone but watching paint dry was no longer exciting so I surrendered to the sounds of my phone ringing. After the polite hellos were exchanged he started to talk about his adjustment to Oakland. He found a nice place to stay and was liking his work and blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure how the conversation of him coming home came about but he told me that even though it was his week off he wasn't going to be able to come home... I thought to myself, um okay? I asked him about his injury and apparently I had it wrong. I thought  he hurt his knee but I guess it was his quid, and of course he corrected me. I didn't even know he had the week off. I felt like he was disappointed that I hadn't been keeping up with him, which made me feel a little bad. But  HE missed my birthday so I say we're even. All and all nothing that needed to be said was said. Everything was lite and very surface.I mean I told him I bought a car and my hair is now blond,big deal.I feel like it was a very surface conversation mainly because I didn't know what to say and neither did he (or maybe he did, hell i don't know). So why am I still pondering over a conversation that went absolutely no where?!?!

Here's the thing about having surface talk with a guy I really have no closure with. It creates chaos in my mind. Especial if I haven't found any interest in any other guys. The sound of his voice puts me in a place of possibility and hope.The mire fact that he thought of me whither he was bored or really missed me it still feels good and I want to hold on the good feeling as long as possible.Its as if I want to create a conversation of him saying I miss you Lola, and I am ready!Ready to be with you, I am ready to act right and just love you Lola. And to prove it I bought a ticket for you come see me and we discuss our future (lol, I am so dramatic,lol ). Eventually the good feeling and fantasy fades quickly because the reality is that nothing was really said that needed to say.

There are all these reason why men call when its over, or you feel like its over. Some say because they want to make sure we're still an option. Others say its because they're bored, or they're trying to see where your head is at so they can get on your good side. To be honest I'm sure its all of the above. So what are we as women to do! I'm glad you asked...I have no earthly idea.The only thing I can think of is, Cuss em out and tell them to kick rocks and stop wasting your perious time,lol. But that's not a good idea because you will be labeled as the CRAZY LADY,lol. However, I will say not matter what the conversation is about stay true to your desire and stick to your guns. Don't forget why its over and don't surrender to a random call. My friend Monica said it best, people be it man or woman know how to get what they want. If there is more to come for whats on the surface then it will but if not LET IT GO! And believe if its not him then it will be someone else that will get underneath the surface and make it work with you.

Till Next Time
Simply Lola

Sabotaging Love

It's always heart breaking to hear the man or woman you love but are no longer with has moved on. I don't care how old you get every time you breakup to not makeup with someone you just knew was the "One" you feel like you're taking a bullet all over again right in the heart. Well at least that's how I'm feeling right now. Just to hear that they are happy without me makes me feel like death. I mean it gets worse because I just want to know why I wasn't the one, why couldn't I make him happy... WHY DIDN'T HE CHOOSE ME!!! (tears for days just stream down my face and my mother, God bless her always says: I don't know why ya crying over him cause he aint thinking about you. And no matter how many times she says it, it NEVER makes me feel better, lol. I think to myself :Please lady keep your encouraging words to yourself

Around August of last year I started talking to a guy that I had known for at least five years. I met him at a bowling charity event that I was working for the Roy Williams Safety Net Foundation. He walked in and told me that he would participate in the event but he wasn't taking any pictures. I politely told him that taking pictures wasn't a choice, this was not a democracy but more of a dictatorship and I wasn't asking I was telling him to take the damn photo. He agreed if I took it with me.  Throughout the night we laughed and talked and I remember thinking to myself how he would make a great husband. But at the time I was so in love with the Titan I couldn't see the forest for the trees and I just didn't think much about it. Fast forward, I was visiting Dallas right before my moved to New York and I saw him at a pool party. Long story short we exchanged numbers, I moved to New York and he called a month later.

When we first started talking we talked everyday , we had so much in common and we just hit it off really well. A few months went by and well I really was beginning to be confused about where we were in our situation. I knew he didn't have a job at the moment and that was his main focus but I needed to know where we stood. I mean dang it had been 3 months and there was no efforts made to come see me and skpying was like pulling teeth. My job in New York was very stressful so I just couldn't handle stress in my personal life. So anyway after going back and forth for a few days he tells me that "We Are Building A Foundation For Something Special" What!?!, was the response in my head but what I said was okay, considering he was looking for work. But my commitment to being OK didn't last very long and one day I was thinking way too much and was all in my feelings and I just couldn't take it. I wrote him and email explaining that I had had IT!!! I listed over a million things he was NOT doing and  I was just tired of waiting. He eventually wrote me back letting how he really liked me and  how great I was and blah, blah,blah. And of course I fell for it and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CHANGED.

I move back to Dallas (but not for him) and he gets a job in Oakland. He tells me that once he's settled in his place he was gonna send for me. At this point I am Overly Excited but the feelings of happiness soon fade and once again I get into my feeling and out of no where I send text message letting him know that I wasn't going to come to Oakland unless we are in a serious relationship and that at this point in my life I am ready to get married and if that's not what he wants then we should just part ways ( I know you're reading this thinking crazy, slow down,lol). This time he didn't respond and it that was a month ago.

What I have discovered is that every time I start to get something good going with someone I really like I find a way to sabotage it and I just don't know why I do that. I really want to be in love with someone who loves me but I can't figure out why I quickly get impatient and just walk away only wanting to go back yet again to make it work. But then its too late. I'm sure to him I look like a  crazy woman who doesn't know what she wants and I'll own that.I know that I over reacted out of the fact that I didn't trust him to follow through because he rarely did. He rarely came through on a promise. I can't help but wonder had I just not said those words would things be different, would we have worked out. I know i can't change the past or even redeem myself with him. Its over and I accept my part in the tragic ending. I try my best not to beat myself up about it because it happen and well what can I do but live, learn and just move on. I sabotage love and now I am learning why I do it and how to stop doing it.

To my friend whose reading and may have the questions I have, one thing is for sure and that is in ALL relationships teach us about us. We learn who we are and who we want to be. As I try to figure out why I keep manipulating love to go the wrong way I encourage to to discover what you may need to change about you for the next love of your life. Change is good, Growth is even better

Till Next Time
Simply Lola

WHY DO MEN DRAG THEIR FEET

I've been talking (more like text messaging)  3 guys for a couple of weeks and I'm so confuse on what the heck is going on. I mean none of them have picked up their phones and called me. To top it all off the text messages are so random that it totally annoys me. One of the guys my sister set me up with and in as much as I was totally against going out with him, I've found a way to have an open mind and see what he's about. But this fool is dragging his feet. We're suppose to go on a date and um yeah... I'm just not sure when that will take place. Its been three weeks! Seriously, I get it, if he's just not that into me that's fine, but don't waste my time.At my age I have a shortage of eggs and aging ovaries, Aint No Body Got Time Fa That,lol.

What sucks is I feel like I'm a pretty cool girl who doesn't ask for much. I mean a good happy hour or brunch is a great date to me. I am all for waiting to take me to Del Frisco's after you've confirmed with yourself that you are totally into me.  I do like talking on the phone, what I don't like is sending 20,000 text messages throughout the day, talking about absolutely nothing . I mean if a man calls me I'm not going ask him to pay my car note..Oh yeah I got me a car, a BMW at that and yes I'm feeling good about that(lol). But back to the lecture at hand. I just don't understand why I have to pull teeth to get the simple things in life. I mean seriously a conversation on the phone and setting a date for us to go out shouldn't take an act of congress. There are some days that I feel if lesbians were born with a penis I 'd cross over to the other side, lol. But since it really doesn't take 2 to work my toys I'll just keep playing on team Heterosexual.

Most single women want the same thing to be loved, adored and to be a priority. Its only in the thugged out rap songs that women want to be showered in Gucci, Louie, Prada.  I will admit in secret I am a label whore, but  its not the most important thing I want. I just want to have this chemistry that is undoubtedly real between me and him (who ever he is). I want the attraction to be equal , not I like him more than he likes me or he likes me and I'm just not interested. I want to just come home take off  my clothes, put on his old football jersey and watch TV next to him. I want him to just laugh at all the silly things I do. None of my request require a man to have to take out a second mortgage to make me happy!  So I ask why in the world does it take so much to get something so little? WHY DO MEN DRAG THEIR FEET?

From R.E.D To G.O.O.D

It's been brought to my attention that it has been a while since I've written anything. The reason for that is because with my new job Mr.West has made me sign a NDA, a non disclosure agreement. I don't know who told him I love to talk (lol) but since I do mum's the word. Therefore I can't say nothing about anything or I am out on my ass and back to Dallas I go. Not only that I've been putting in a lot of hours with my new gig. I work as an accounting assistant which means I support his account and his CFO. To be honest I have no earthly idea what the hell I am doing. Everyday I pray the same prayer Lord please let everything balance out... Amen. I love my boss (the accountant) she is super sweet and really smart, which means she's over qualified. It works out well with her being over qualified and me not having a clue, cause she can tell anything and I'll do it(lol) .

 

When I first started working for G.O.O.D Music I thought it was really cool. I'd be out with friends and someone would ask me what I do and I say with confidence I work for G.O.O.D, yes G.O.O.D Music while brushing my long weave off my shoulder with my chin up in the air. But then people started asking me to get them record deals and for hookups and that just made it annoying. I can't imagine if I were actually sign to the label I'm sure it would be a hundred times worse(Lol).But I've solved that problem, now when asked what is it I do for a living I tell them I'm a stripper. Some people ask me if I know Jesus or was I loved as a child (both are yes answers) and others become very uncomfortable while judging me with their thoughts (lol) . It doesn't bother me cause no ones asking me to make them a star or get them hooks up with famous people (lol).

 

Since I've been here in New York I feel like I'm being shifted into something great. I feel like the world is at my finger tips and I can have whatever I want but at the same time I have no idea how to get it. I fee like everything I've ever wanted is right in front of me but what is everything. I was at work late last night and I was thinking about when I first moved to New York working at the Gramercy Park Hotel. There was never a dull moment and although my boss was clear definition of a woman scorn I was perfectly content with working the front desk. No sooner than it was time for me to sign my papers for a the Union to get benefits I  get the call to work for NEYO. My first day there was when his album released R.E.D (Realizing Every Dream). Although there was so much chaos and disorganization I was still very happy with my position because it's Music and if this was the only way for me to be around it that was fine with me. Out of no where I here about an assistant position in G.O.O.D Music and bam I get the job with G.O.O.D Music (Getting Out Our Dreams).

 

I go from Realizing Every Dream to Getting Out Our Dreams. I 'm just curious as to where God is really taking me, am I moving into my Dreams? I am placed right in the center of Dreams and I can't help but wonder if my dreams are coming true? What is happening to me. The good thing about having all these questions is I'm not nervous or scared, not even anxious, I'm just curious. My prayer is that God will prepare me for what is to come next. I believe its for me to live out my dream as a recording artist so I'm taking vocal lessons and doing open mics. But most importantly I'm  just living in the moment and being thankful for this experience.

 

Now I haven't forgotten about my biological clock (lol). I did go on a date last week. I really had a good time but there was no spark or anything it was just nice time out. Yes I did order the steak, loaded bake potato and crown and ginger ale (two crowns), I was starving. And yes momma, I did ask if he knew Jesus...He said he was familiar with the name(lol). I have to be honest I thought he was going to be good jump off but it looks like God wants me to keep my legs closed and my eye on the prize. SO I guess he'll be good New York company. All of this is fine with me considering I am patiently waiting for Calvin Johnson (wide receiver for the Detroit Lions) to find me, fall passionately in love with me and make me his wife and the mother of his children. Considering I am aging gracefully I have no problem waiting (don't Judge ME!!!).

 

Well I thinks that's all folk. Everyone should be caught up on my boring life (lol).  To my friend who finds themselves curious about where God has placed them in their life I encourage you to surrender and just be. That way God can get us prepared for Greatness.

 

Til Next Time

Simply Lola

 

Making The First MOVE!?! GUYS Or GIRLS

When I was growing up my father had a rule. The rule was boys can call me and my sister but we can't call boys. For a long time I thought this rule was stupid and he was just being a mean ole man but as I've gotten older I totally get it. I realize that he was teaching my sister the importace of allowing the man take the lead.

 Right now I am in dating mode. The guys I am talking to don't live in New York, and I'm okay with that. The problem that I seem to be having is that they all want me to come see them. Let me make myself VERY CLEAR I am just dating its nothing serious with anyone just yet. For a lack of better words we're just talking. I feel like they should come see me first. Am I being unreasonable? Plus New York is more fun than Detroit and I love my home town but this dude will already see me by default cause family is in Dallas. And Atlanta is Atlanta, nothing new. Its amazing what a guy will ask a woman he's interested in to do that he would never suggest to his mom, sister or daughter to do. I mean really , would a respectable guy suggest to their daughter to go see a guy she's only talking to, to fly out to his city...come on I seriously doubt it.

As a woman I want to feel desired. I want a guy to want me enough that he will come to me  and sweep me off my feet. I want someone who will make the effort to pursue me. In as much as its seems to be an inconvenience I believe I am worth it. I'm smart, sexy , talented, fun and with the right guy I could be very fun, if you catch my drift (lol). And not to get all self-righteous, holier than thou Christian on yall but somewhere in the bible, I don't know where, doesn't it say: He who find a wife finds a good thing?!? My point is I've been the girl to make the first move and its always been the wrong move . I'm ready to settle down and have a few babies but I'm not gonna do all this with someone whose not making the effort.

So I ask you dear friends, who should see who first..... Me or  Him.

Why I Will Marry A Black Man

A few nights ago I went on a date with a handsome young man I met on the train ( clearly I wasn't following the rules my mother taught me about not talking to strangers). He was tall, handsome and Puerto Rican. The date started with him sending for a car service  to pick me up in Queens, which is where I live. I was very impressed and kinda curious cause we met on the train, the E train at that. Never the less it was still very nice gesture and it defiantly got him panty points (lol, jk, not really). Anyway we met up at this very nice steak house in the city.  In as much as I may have been rude I just had to ask him, "what do you do for a living?" I mean he was rolling out the red carpet for me as he should but I didn't want him to go into debit  excepting me to cash in on his panty points. He didn't get that many points (lol).  Come to find out my latin lover is a finical investor and dose some type of international business. You know I had to ask if his international business had anything to do with illegal narcotics. He laughed and said no, but I was so serious.  Impress with his line of work I had yet another question, cause as a woman I just can't let things be. I asked with his line of work and his expensive taste why was he on the train. Of course he had a very humble answer, he likes to people watch,plus riding the train keeps him grounded. Now I'm not sure how much of this was true but I figured I'd buy it for a free steak dinner (lol). As the night went on we talked about what we liked to do, our hobbies, and oh YES!!! Football.  Clearly he's a Jets fan, what New Yorker isn't (lol). He had great conversation, the night was amazing. I have to be honest  as shameful as it is for me to say but I have never been a date of that magnitude...EVER.

Being a woman my age , my mind quickly rushed us to marriage with a baby in a baby carriage (lol). Riding back home I thought to myself what it would be like to marry a outside of race, having half breed babies, eating collard greens with spanish rice (lol). We could salsa and do the Cupid Shuffle at our wedding.  My daughter can have a sweet 16 party and a Quinceanera (which is a sweet 15). My son can play soccer and football and become and NFL kicker. My 2.5 children can have the best of both worlds.They will have Cinco De Mayo ( minus the margaritas,lol) and June tenth.  I mean successful black men are always creating interracial families... Hell if I can't get em why not join the other team. Then I got to thinking about my parents and how my father was with my mother and with me and my sister.

I grew up in a two parent home with a father who made it his number one priority to make sure my sister and I got to school everyday on time, with a quick prayer before leaving the house. Of course my mother asked him every day "did you pray with the girls"lol. Granted he wasn't the best at combing our hair  he still made sure we he got to school (lol). My daddy was super cool growing up even though in the winter he made us eat prunes to keep my sister and I regular, not sure why that was so important in the winter and not any other time of the year (lol).  Although my dad is a pastor of a church he always kept it gangsta when it came to his girls.  I remember arguing with the lady in college about my tuition being paid. The lady said to me"obviously ya daddy didn't do what he said he did" I called my daddy and well let's just say her attitude changed and I was quickly enrolled in school. My daddy was cool and alway looked good and smelled good. He even help my mom with perming my sister and my hair for the first time, he was in charge of rinsing and shampooing (lol). He and my mom would play this game "Honey home" everyday and when he walked in my mom would run to him. He took my mom on a date every friday and til this day he keeps her driving a clean Cadillac. Now only a black man knows the value of a clean Cadillac.

When I reflect the fond memories of my father as man and a husband to my mother I can't help but want to marry someone like him. He was far from perfect but that doesn't take away from him being the best father ever. I want to marry a man that will instill our African history and heritage in our children.  I know the media shows Black Men as the image of ignorance and disrespectful to women but I can't help but believe theirs a black man for me that will take me out on a date every friday and keep me in a clean Cadillac. I can't help but believe that there is a black man for me that's got a lil gangsta in him just in case someone one wants to show out on me and kids he can handle it without  causing a scene (lol). In as much as I loved my date with my latin lover I can't help but want what was given to me as a little black girl.

To my friend who travels outside their race to find true love do whats best for you, but I'm a stick with the brothas... There's at least one that will love me for me.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Black History Month/ A Lost Language

This morning while riding the train I noticed a sign written in several different languages. It was a sign letting everyone know that there will be a new train route starting at the end of February. Just so everyone was clear on the new changes they printed the poster in chinese, indian, spanish, russian, and english. As I took my eyes off of the posted notice I realized I was sitting in between to men. One man was reading an Asian news paper and the other man was reading an Indian news paper both written in their own language. As I rode the train to work I thought about the fact that I am African American and as a descendant of  the African culture and origin their was no original language for me.  When our ancestors were brought over to America they were striped of their language.This country took our language from your family as well as mine. The language of our people is no longer in existence and all we have is the history create today.

This month is Black History Month. This month is important because its all we have left of who we are. 80% of inner city volunteers are white women. In as much as they are taking out the time to give to our dying youth they are not teaching our children the truth the facts of what it is to be Black in America. We can give every excuse in the world why we can't but the truth of the matter is WE MUST!!!. We must volunteer the information of who we are, where we come from and what makes us who we are to those who are coming behind us. No one can tell our story like we can. We've lost out language let's hold on to our history.

In honor of those who have come before us I have posted a tribute to the BLACK HISTORY... Enjoy

Southern Singing to City Living

Today it is extremely cold in New York. It's cold like ugges, hat, scarf, and leg warmer, ear muffs, and gloves. In this kind of weather is a MUST to have all of the above. I know you're probably thinking, well what did you expect in New York, unpredictable Dallas weather. Well to answer your question,Yes I did. Don't ask me why I just did.

What makes the weather even more worse is that I work long hours and catching the train in 25 degree below 0 weather late at night makes the wait much longer than it really is. In as much as New York is a very busy city catching the train definitely teaches you patience. I don't care how much I am in a hurry I still gotta wait on the train. Its so funny in college I use to tell my friends that I was moving to New York to be the Black Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City. But the reality is that SATC was a fictitious TV series because the truth of the matter is I don't know how in the world Carrie was a writer wearing $500 shoes, living in a huge rent control apartment and catching cabs everywhere. Cabs are expensive, very expensive and with there being heavy traffic it doesn't make life simpler.

Whoever said that if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere, wasn't lying. I miss the days where I can wash my clothes in my home and not have drag the down to the laundry mat.  The sad thing I can't let my laundry pile up because the heavy load become unbearable and the journey becomes even more of a very exhausting experience.This is the same for grocery shopping as well. OMG!!! buying groceries and carrying them down 8 blocks is the best workout. At first I hated it and then I thought I really hated  it but I found the good in it and  thought about all the calories I was burning (lol) .

Going out has its struggles too. For the most part it takes me three trains to get to exciting side of the city.  I have to take the 7, N, and either the 1 or the 2, talk about perseverance and determination (lol) . Lawd have mercy, running in heels to catch a train late at night is like making an attempt of suicide  I leaned the smartest thing to do is take a nice size purse that my heels can fit in and then wear my flats on the train, just in case somebody crazy wants to run up on me I can burst a fast and serious move (lol). However that too can be a gamble. Some clubs insist that you throw your shows away, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Clearly how can a flat shoe be considered a deadly weapon. What am I gonna do?!? beat a woman to death(lol)  I'm sure after a few hits from my shoe to her head she'll find a way too attack me with her rat tail comb and  I will be the one stabbed to death, but I digress. The crazy thing  is people go out here and lines are wrapped around the building and women are dressed half naked  (cause we are on the market)  and not wearing a coat. I mean its freezing and they're wearing heels and are shivering due to the coldest of cold weather and no coat on?, Not I said the single black woman, the last thing I need is for my coochie to catch a cold(words from my granny)  I am always making sure I look good showing off the best of my assets but I'm not gonna kill myself doing it, hints the reason for coat check. It's New York of course they're gonna have coat check why wouldn't they. There is a fee for it, but if I can't pay the fee, going to this club aint for me(lol).

In a nut shell New York has been one hell of an adjustment, but I'm taking it all in stride. I stopped asking God what am I doing here. That answers easy, because I moved here. Now I want to know whats keeping me here, what are my expectations of being in New York. My friend Leon in Dallas use to tell me all the time that all the things I  want to do can be done in Dallas and now I'm beginning to believe he might have been right. But I'm here and for the first time I've decided not move until I get all that I'm suppose to get in this part of my journey. Unless I get knock-up  then I'd have to go home. I can't raise a baby by myself and I'm afraid my sister and mom would run off with my child away. So i might as well surrender to their will (lol). However that wont happen anytime soon. Thanks to my long work hours I don't have to worry about that. I haven't had time to meet some very sexy gorgeous man to color with (lol).

So to my friend who is struggling with adjustment to a decision you've made. If for no other reason stay there until you gain all that you can from this part of the journey that you're on.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

No More Fear This Year

Working in the music industry is a great experience but  at the same time it has got to be the most unstable industry to be in, especially when it comes to Black Entertainment. I love my job (Lawd knows I do) but working with my boss has been one hell of a challenge. I stress out all the time about if I am doing a good job or if she's gonna fire me for making a mistakes. I mean she's so cut throat that it freaks me out. My job is not hard at all. I'm an assist for Christ sake. I'm not curing cancer or discovering new research on deadly diseases. All I'm doing scheduling appointments and executing her administrative needs. Never the less I beat myself up on not doing a good enough job all the time. The more I feel like a failure the more I wanted to quit and go home. At least once a week I have said to myself "I don't have to take this shit, my momma loves me I can go home" (lol).The stress from my job got so bad that I poped a blood vessel in my eye... Oh wait, time out, flag on the play unnecessary roughness on ME!  I am on the market and I can NOT being looking like I've subjected myself to an abusive relationship... NO WAY NO HOW!!!

Breaking a blood vessel I knew it was time to get a grip on myself and say enough is enough. So I decided to just STOP. STOP being so afraid of not doing a good job, or being good enough. Most importantly I've decided to STOP beating myself up. I mean lets be honest my greatest fear of not doing a good job has clearly come up on me. I've sent more emails to the wrong person then the right person. I've delivered itineraries with missing information . Lord knows I have done it all. I don't pay attention to detail very well (its not one of my strongest traits) and I am going to mess up sometimes.  I am a born perform it is what I do best but right now I am the assistant to a woman who can kill you with her words alone.  So  if her words are going to kill me at least I know I'm going to Heaven, well as long as God threw my sins in the sea of forgetfulness, I should be good (lol).

I am reminded of the bible story Job. A man who worshiped God all because he was afraid of losing all that he had, only to eventually lose everything. It was when he surrendered to his fear that God was able to give hime back all that he had lost. The most valuable lesson I've learned coming into this New Year is that I can't let my fears get the best me. I have to accept my flaws and decide with time the things I struggle with I'll get better at. I can do this and I will do this job well. Quitting is NOT an option and if they fire me God will provide, my momma loves me and well I can always go home. I've been fired before and I've gotten another job. I am a 32 year old woman whose eggs are ready hatch which makes me a woman whose ready to get hitched (lol). I must prepare for Calvin Johnson (Mega Tron) to find me, fall in love with me and make his Mega wife (lol)

To my friend who is a afraid about anything. Take it from me, accept, embrace, and surrender to your fear. Once you do that you can work through anything.

Til Next Time:
Simply Lola

Agree to Disagree: A Disagreement with Danita

Everyone knows how much I love my sister. My sister and I are absolute best of friends... poller opposites but thick as thieves  My parents taught us at a very early age that we are ALL we got and it has stuck with us for a life time.  In as much as we are very close sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Its tragic but true that we just don't think alike, especially when it comes to MEN!!!.Now Danita is married  and I, sadly to say am not married. She's younger than me but she thinks knows every thang and yes since I want to be married it would be ideal to take her advice but in this case I just can't do it.   Which brings me to the situation at hand.

For the past 6 months I have been casually dating/ talking to this guy that lives in Dallas. At the beginning of us connecting we hit it off great. As time has gone on things have been very inconsistant with us talking and seeing each other. To make a long story short the last straw was when I went to Dallas for the Holiday and he didn't call or even come by and see me. Now he has said that he is interested in me and likes but his actions aren't adding up. To make a long story short when I opened up for Jon B at the BB King club/loung in New York Time Square I got a lot of great response from friends, family, and people that attended the show. Out of no where this guy sends me a message  via twitter wishing me well and later asking me how did the show go. I thanked him for the support and I let him know that the show went very well. He later said he was proud of me and he'd call me later cause he wanted details. I told him that I was grateful for his support and really appreciated him wishing me well with the show, but there was no need to call me. My exact words were: You didn't call me when I was in Dallas and you're inconsistant which leads me to believe you have a lack of interest in me, so  lets just stick to being social media friends. Of course there was no response and then out of no where he start sending messages saying Good Morning  and How is work, blah, blah , blah.

Since my sister is my best friend that doesn't judge me I  tell her this whole story and she tells me that I am NOT being fair because I refuse to respond. She starts going on and on how maybe he just wants to take it slow and I should really give him a chance. I couldn't believe it!!! Out of the 6months we've been on one date, and he had a brief kiss ( that was actually nice) but other than that it has not gone any where. He doesn't so much as Skype me and if you haven't notice but I am a very attractive woman. Then Danita goes on to say that I should enjoy the moment ...WHAT MOMENT!?!? moments of inconsistency!!! She started telling I'm to hard on guys and I just give him a chance. I couldn't believe it!! Danita is the author and finisher of " YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU and she wants me to compromise.  I am a woman in my early thirties  whose biological clock is running a race of its on. My eggs are diminishing as we speak. I don't have time to take things so slow that I become someones girl friend of 10 years, sorry I can live the life of VH1 Love and Hip Hop, no not me... Aint Nobody Got Time For That. I had a long day at work and I didn't have the energy to go back and forth with her so I have decided to agree to disagree on a subject.

This has been on my mind ALL night and now I'm reaching out to you all  cause I just need to know whose side are you on? Mine or Danita's? Am I really being unreasonable or is she just being too passive.
Really, what is the deal.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Mixed Emotions/ Opening up for Jon B

My New Year is starting off Great. Today is the big day I open up for Jon B in Time Square in New York City. I have mixed emotions. I'm excited, nervous and a little sad at in one.

I'm excited because I'm doing something I love to do and thats perform. I am a performer its what I love to do and who I am creatively. To be able to start off the  New Year doing something I love to do just makes this moment ever more of an awesome feeling. Time Square, how many people can say they have performed in Time Square...not many. So just that alone makes tonight a great moment. Plus its Jon B I mean he's old school, but he made classic hits and for that I am truly honored.

I'm nervous because I have no idea what to expect. I am singing with all tracks because I can't have a band. So it will be just me on stage....ALONE, by myself (no pressure,lol).  Not only that the songs are coming it back to back with only 15secs in between. The good thing about a band is I can feed of their energy and change sounds and vibes its so much fun. Its a good thing I'm not a talker (lol).Then I'm singing all cover songs. For those of you who don't know what a cover song is, its when you just sing popular songs from the radio or an era. I have no problem with this but I am just praying I picked the right songs. I don't know what the audience is going to be like and how many people will be there... all of this has got me crazy. It's not much I can do about it now but go in and kill it in the best way I  can.

Finally, I'm sad cause I wont have my Dallas crew here with me. Lauren wont be here to mouth the words to me, cause Lord knows I forget lyrics in a minute. Kim Hunt wont be here to cheer me on cause thats just what she does. Frank, Daylon, Reggie, Robyn, the Roy Williams SafetyNet foundation...  non of the homies will be in the building. My church family usually makes coming out to support me at my shows as one of their worldly activities but I guess my father didn't approve a bus trip to New York (lol).  I have recruited some New York fans, like my friend Monica and her sister Michelle will be there and a few other people. But to make it like this which is huge to me and not have my crew or even my band just dosen't make it the same.

Please pray for me that the little fear I have turnes into GREAT FAITH!!!, I miss you guys and just know this is just the beginning. Love YA, check out the site

http://www.bbkingblues.com/bio.php?id=2194&o=1

Til Next Time
Simply Lola