Finding My Way To Love

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Preparing Yet Again

Every year thirty two NFL teams prepare for playing in and winning the Super Bowl. All players on every team have dreams of holding that beautiful Vince Lombardi trophy in their hands, while wearing a Super Bowl Championship hat on their head, and sizing their finger for the championship ring . They envision the city in which they play for having a huge parade in their honor and kissing and hugging their families as a sign of appreciation for their support. The regular season starts, and games are played. The teams with the fewest wins(unless you're the Seattle Seahawks) super bowl dreams quickly come to an end. The teams with most wins go on to play playoff games keeping their hope alive. One by one teams hope are destroyed by loses , leaving only two of the thirty two teams hopeful for a Super Bowl win. One team will see their dream come true while the other team joins the rest of the losing teams with hopes and dreams of winning next year's Super Bowl.

Last year around this time I promised myself that by February 14th (then 2010) I was going to meet my husband. Sadly to say the only thing I meet where a few “All Star” hang overs and a guy that was a sophomore in college(looking younger than I am can be a blessing and a curse at Al though I didn't meet my true love last year I have given up hope.

For the New Year I made a vision board for myself. On one side of my vision board, I have visualized myself singing and acting winning awards and what not's and on the other side is me visualizing myself for this year, in a serious relationship with my dream lover. I am believing for this relationship to evolve sooner than later because by faith I have spoken my wedding date into existence ( March 3, 2012). With two visions for one year I've started doing preparation for both. I'm pretty much prepared for the entertainment thing to jump off, but a little rusty on relationship stuff. Therefore I'm using my nanny job as a way to give me some practice. I'm cooking, cleaning, and helping with two small children. I must say I've learned a lot in the few weeks I've been doing this. For example : when having children I will make sure my first child is potty trained, changing a two year old shitty diaper and two month old shitty diaper is just too much shit for one person to handle (lol). I will never breast feed not matter how healthy it is for a kid. The only time I want my nipples sucked is during four play (lol). Any one who knows me knows that I have a habit of biting my nails. I want a nice ring and a nice ring on a hand of bitten nails is not a nice look at all. So now I get my nails done (I have the cut really short, so I wont look like ghetto Sha Sha from the boogie down I also talk more to my married friends(I only have one, but we talk a lot and she gives me advise).Being with the love my life is important to me and whatever I can do to open myself up to the possibility of actually being with my dream lover I'm willing to do it. So I'm taking a stand!!!, and saying good by to the one night stands (I've only had one) and quick fixes with old acquaintances.(including the Titan). I'm starting fresh and it feels great. Lastly I've been putting together a book of all that I want for my wedding day ( no worries I haven't put a deposit down on a locations) the book only has my color scheme, my dress, shoes, the names of my brides maids, maid and matron of honor. Little by little its coming together. Spiritually I pray and meditate, not for my husband to come but more so for balance and developing a relationship with God. I am a firm believer that God can't just part of my life but more so in my life if I am going to be the best wife, mother, friend, sister, actress, singer, or even daughter that I want to be. Lastly fly, not like stripper club “you want to see my ass, then let me see some cast...make rain” but more Michelle Obama fly soft and elegant, topping off every outfit with my one of a kind “Lola” personality.

The year before didn't work out so well for me but neither did it work out well with thirty one teams without a super bowl championship. Just like those teams that luck out this year and year before, I will prepare yet again for what I want. Thankfully I don't have to go through 16 games of tackling at the line of scrimmage (lol). I'm not giving up.

To my single friend that has high hopes just as I do, don't worry he's coming, just do your part and prepare. When he shows up and the wedding date is set, invite me so I can say: See dreams lovers are really true.

Till Next Time
Simply Lola

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Facing My Fears

There's a man in the bible who did everything right only to find himself with nothing (its the story of Job). He had gotten to a point where he couldn't understand why doing everything right landing him with nothing. Then it hits him that his greatest fear was to be without all that he had.. His greatest fear had come up on him.

I moved back to Atlanta to help a friend that recently had her second child and is having some serious health issues. So basically I'm my friend's nanny. I never thought in a million years that I would move back to Atlanta or be a nanny. I agreed to help Mariama (my friend) because I thought it would be a good way to give my big dream another chance. Now I'm afraid that this move may not have been a good idea. I was perfectly content in Dallas working two jobs and singing at my father's early morning church service every Sunday. I may not have been getting a whole lot of gigs but I always knew on Sunday(every Sunday) I had somewhere to sing, even if there were only ten people to hear me, those faithful few will do (lol). Oh sure I didn't have a serious boyfriend but I had started to catch the eye of some future prospects. There even was a band that wanted me to be their lead singer. I left all of that for what!?!?....good question. I'm here in the ATL and I'm scared out of my mind. I feel like I'm starting all over again with my life. I'm thirty!!!! Shouldn't I be at a place where I am stable and comfortable, having the only thing to change is my own children diapers, and the days of the week. Instead it's me doing the changing and I'm afraid it may not be for the better. So what do I do now, move back home or take this new change one day at a time and hope for the best.

I've decided to go with taking my new change one day at a time and hope for the best. My dreams may not ever come true and my defensive tackle may not be my true love (lol). One thing is for sure that I've went after my dream without holding back and just because I may not get my defensive tackle doesn't mean I have to stop loving the game of football. I'm brave enough to say I'm afraid and I every day I have faithfully face my fears. I've learned to enjoy my journey be proud of myself for doing more than most people wont ever do, and that's to have enough faith to endure change.

Some people are afraid of heights, and others are afraid of bugs. Married women are afraid that their husbands wont die before them, allowing them not to remarry the younger much cuter lawn boy and travel Europe on the dead husband insurance money(lol). I'm a single woman who happens to sing and I'm facing my fears of being alone having no where to sing head on. I figure if I'm living my greatest fear well then theirs nothing to be afraid of any more.

To my friend that is scared out of his or her mind, just face your fears. The worse thing about not getting what you want is you”ll learn to live without it.

Till Next Time
Simply Lola

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Much Needed Win

Last Saturday morning a local radio station in Atlanta GA (V.103 the people station) held auditions for singers to sing the National Anthem at the Honda Step Show. The Honda Step Show is huge deal in Atlanta, so there was no hesitation with me deciding to participate. The funny thing about this whole thing is that for over a year I have been practicing singing the National Anthem at a major event. Every Sunday after singing at my dad’s 7:30am church service, I would stand in the den of my house close my eyes visualizing myself singing the National Anthem at a Dallas Cowboy home game (it’s the kid in me). I reached out to a few people I knew who had relationships with the team to help me get booked for a game but they all ignored my request. I sent emails to Jerry Jones daughter and even her assistant but never got a response. Anyway, I got to the audition extra extra early. Registration didn’t start until 10am I was at Stone Crest Mall at 4:30am. Everyone knows I hate waiting in lines so getting there early kept me from having to wait. I met a nice security guard that barely spoke English. He was so nice he let me sit in the mall instead my cold car before the mall opened. As I sat in the mall with no where to shop I thought about the “loses/rejections” I had collected in my life up to this very moment. I’m 30 living in Atlanta for the third time and I need a win in my life. I needed this audition to be my win and to start me out right for the year.I’ve been singing for most if not all of my life. I know I’m good at what I do; I just don’t when my good will be good enough.

When it was time for me to hit the stage to sing I had butterflies all in my stomach. As I started to sing I forgot all about the butterflies, hitting all the notes with perfect pitch (practice makes preparation). Being that there was so many singers auditioning I started from the middle of the song and was still cut short by the judges. As I walked off stage I knew I did a good job but it was just me by myself (no Lauren, or Kim Kares around) and I had to wait for 101 people to sing before the top five would be announced. As I waited around I started to doubt myself. I called my sister and my friend Monica letting them know that I just wasn’t sure if it was worth me sticking around to see if I made the top five. Both encouraged me to stick around. I really didn’t want to because I just couldn’t face another, lose, or another no you’re not good enough rejection. Never the less I stuck around. As Ryan Cameron (radio personality) started to call out the top five finalist I kept thinking why in the world am I putting myself through this, I just need to go home. Out of nowhere I hear contestant #2…OMG that’s me! I made the top five. I was so excited that I made it to the Top Five. I didn’t become the ultimate winner of the contest but I got a win and I was so grateful for that. Later that day I got home and found that my friend Chinedu sent me flowers just wishing well at the audition. Seeing those flowers made me feel even better. He’s a good friend and he’s going to make a great man for a special lady.

Insanity is defined as doing something over and over again with the expectation of getting different results. I guess I’m insane because I keep singing over and over again expecting a different result. After my win on Saturday I realize that insanity just might not be a bad thing when it comes to my true passion.
To my friend that wants to give up, don’t. Be insane, you’ll eventually get a much needed win that will keep you going.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Dallas, New York, and Now Atlanta

It has been three weeks since I’ve written you guys. With all the packing and moving I just haven’t had time, so I apologizes too all. This year I hope to do better. Anyway I’m in Atlanta and survived New York. So where do I start…I guess from the beginning.

It was my last night in Dallas, a few friends and I gathered at my favorite happy hour spot “Houlihan’s”. I got to see my good friend Crystal (who lives in Arizona) and her new man friend (not really sure of his status just yet(lol). My friend Angela found it in her heart to take off from one of her many jobs and enjoy a long island ice tea with me. Lauren traveled far and wide from Fort Worth Texas just to take a few last snap shots of us together ( say cheese LAUREN). My friend from my singles women group Robin join us as well despite the fact I never found her a white rich doctor on My newest friend Chinedue also hung out, along with my friends Karen, Kimesha, and Ryan (got to love Ryan(lol). It was just a few of us but the way we were talking across the table you would have thought there were about a hundred of us(lol). I didn’t cry as I said my goodbyes…I mean I’m not going to war or anything… just going back to Atlanta.

The next morning I headed off to New York for the New Year. This was my in transition trip. When I got to the airport I was told by the gate agent that my flight had been canceled. I had made up my mind that morning that I was leaving Dallas and damn it I meant it. So I lied telling the gate agent I was going to be part of a big show in New York and I really needed to get out soon ( I had tears and all). Being that I have braids and I look all of 19 the gate agent hustled me a way out of Dallas (lets go). With that being said I took a flight from Dallas to Charlotte NC, and landed in NYC. My friend Monica picked me up from the airport. We didn’t do much the first night; we just had dinner at Fridays. Monica is determined to lose weight that she doesn’t have so we registered her at a gym and she got herself a trainer the following morning. After preparing her for her New Year resolution we set off to a Jazz Club on Broadway St. It was open mic night, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t participate. Each singer had the opportunity to sing two songs, I however sang my two songs and the crowd loved me so much they requested an encore. So I gave them what they wanted ( I was amazing, I sang on BROADWAY lol). The next night we went Ashford and Simpson’s night club/ restaurant called Suga.This place was like the social black, gay and fabulous male hang out. I sat by one of Pattie Labelle’s dearest gay friend ( I’m not sure how well he knows Pattie Labelle but he did have a charm bracelet on with a picture of him and Pattie ). The best part of dinning at Suga was I got to sing and Valerie Simpson played keys while I sang. It was more fun than a girl can imagine. For the News Year Monica, Michelle (Monica’s sister) and I attended a loft party. It was pretty cool sense we showed up in a limo. For about 20 minutes we felt like rock stars. Nothing really extreme happened…oh wait yes something did happen…I got a little white girl wasted and said some really mean things and Jay Ratliff of the Dallas Cowboys on facebook ( relax I removed my post the next morning) Its crazy how repressed anger can come up in drunken moments. We continued our Happy New Year the next night at a club called “City 55” where I danced the night away, and took a power nap at the club and dance some more. Before I headed to Atlanta, Monica and Michelle joined in with me making (our very own) vision boards for 2011. I posted mine on facebook to inspire others (don’t judge me). I had a great time in New York even though everywhere we ate no one had ranch dressing….tragic just tragic

I ‘m back in Atlanta, where this whole blog thing started. I will be honest I’m nervous and very excited about what will happen in this New Year. All I can say is I am determine to make the most out of every day never wasting a minute of my time. I’m sure I’ve burned a few bridges along my way but the good thing about that is there is no turning back. Whatever is dead must stay dead. Today I start refresh and new. I promise I’ll keep you all posted on my road to success every week. I want to thank every friend that has ever believed in me. I thank my church family for always supporting, and I thank my family for accepting and loving me.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola