Finding My Way To Love

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Southern Singing to City Living

Today it is extremely cold in New York. It's cold like ugges, hat, scarf, and leg warmer, ear muffs, and gloves. In this kind of weather is a MUST to have all of the above. I know you're probably thinking, well what did you expect in New York, unpredictable Dallas weather. Well to answer your question,Yes I did. Don't ask me why I just did.

What makes the weather even more worse is that I work long hours and catching the train in 25 degree below 0 weather late at night makes the wait much longer than it really is. In as much as New York is a very busy city catching the train definitely teaches you patience. I don't care how much I am in a hurry I still gotta wait on the train. Its so funny in college I use to tell my friends that I was moving to New York to be the Black Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City. But the reality is that SATC was a fictitious TV series because the truth of the matter is I don't know how in the world Carrie was a writer wearing $500 shoes, living in a huge rent control apartment and catching cabs everywhere. Cabs are expensive, very expensive and with there being heavy traffic it doesn't make life simpler.

Whoever said that if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere, wasn't lying. I miss the days where I can wash my clothes in my home and not have drag the down to the laundry mat.  The sad thing I can't let my laundry pile up because the heavy load become unbearable and the journey becomes even more of a very exhausting experience.This is the same for grocery shopping as well. OMG!!! buying groceries and carrying them down 8 blocks is the best workout. At first I hated it and then I thought I really hated  it but I found the good in it and  thought about all the calories I was burning (lol) .

Going out has its struggles too. For the most part it takes me three trains to get to exciting side of the city.  I have to take the 7, N, and either the 1 or the 2, talk about perseverance and determination (lol) . Lawd have mercy, running in heels to catch a train late at night is like making an attempt of suicide  I leaned the smartest thing to do is take a nice size purse that my heels can fit in and then wear my flats on the train, just in case somebody crazy wants to run up on me I can burst a fast and serious move (lol). However that too can be a gamble. Some clubs insist that you throw your shows away, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Clearly how can a flat shoe be considered a deadly weapon. What am I gonna do?!? beat a woman to death(lol)  I'm sure after a few hits from my shoe to her head she'll find a way too attack me with her rat tail comb and  I will be the one stabbed to death, but I digress. The crazy thing  is people go out here and lines are wrapped around the building and women are dressed half naked  (cause we are on the market)  and not wearing a coat. I mean its freezing and they're wearing heels and are shivering due to the coldest of cold weather and no coat on?, Not I said the single black woman, the last thing I need is for my coochie to catch a cold(words from my granny)  I am always making sure I look good showing off the best of my assets but I'm not gonna kill myself doing it, hints the reason for coat check. It's New York of course they're gonna have coat check why wouldn't they. There is a fee for it, but if I can't pay the fee, going to this club aint for me(lol).

In a nut shell New York has been one hell of an adjustment, but I'm taking it all in stride. I stopped asking God what am I doing here. That answers easy, because I moved here. Now I want to know whats keeping me here, what are my expectations of being in New York. My friend Leon in Dallas use to tell me all the time that all the things I  want to do can be done in Dallas and now I'm beginning to believe he might have been right. But I'm here and for the first time I've decided not move until I get all that I'm suppose to get in this part of my journey. Unless I get knock-up  then I'd have to go home. I can't raise a baby by myself and I'm afraid my sister and mom would run off with my child away. So i might as well surrender to their will (lol). However that wont happen anytime soon. Thanks to my long work hours I don't have to worry about that. I haven't had time to meet some very sexy gorgeous man to color with (lol).

So to my friend who is struggling with adjustment to a decision you've made. If for no other reason stay there until you gain all that you can from this part of the journey that you're on.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

No More Fear This Year

Working in the music industry is a great experience but  at the same time it has got to be the most unstable industry to be in, especially when it comes to Black Entertainment. I love my job (Lawd knows I do) but working with my boss has been one hell of a challenge. I stress out all the time about if I am doing a good job or if she's gonna fire me for making a mistakes. I mean she's so cut throat that it freaks me out. My job is not hard at all. I'm an assist for Christ sake. I'm not curing cancer or discovering new research on deadly diseases. All I'm doing scheduling appointments and executing her administrative needs. Never the less I beat myself up on not doing a good enough job all the time. The more I feel like a failure the more I wanted to quit and go home. At least once a week I have said to myself "I don't have to take this shit, my momma loves me I can go home" (lol).The stress from my job got so bad that I poped a blood vessel in my eye... Oh wait, time out, flag on the play unnecessary roughness on ME!  I am on the market and I can NOT being looking like I've subjected myself to an abusive relationship... NO WAY NO HOW!!!

Breaking a blood vessel I knew it was time to get a grip on myself and say enough is enough. So I decided to just STOP. STOP being so afraid of not doing a good job, or being good enough. Most importantly I've decided to STOP beating myself up. I mean lets be honest my greatest fear of not doing a good job has clearly come up on me. I've sent more emails to the wrong person then the right person. I've delivered itineraries with missing information . Lord knows I have done it all. I don't pay attention to detail very well (its not one of my strongest traits) and I am going to mess up sometimes.  I am a born perform it is what I do best but right now I am the assistant to a woman who can kill you with her words alone.  So  if her words are going to kill me at least I know I'm going to Heaven, well as long as God threw my sins in the sea of forgetfulness, I should be good (lol).

I am reminded of the bible story Job. A man who worshiped God all because he was afraid of losing all that he had, only to eventually lose everything. It was when he surrendered to his fear that God was able to give hime back all that he had lost. The most valuable lesson I've learned coming into this New Year is that I can't let my fears get the best me. I have to accept my flaws and decide with time the things I struggle with I'll get better at. I can do this and I will do this job well. Quitting is NOT an option and if they fire me God will provide, my momma loves me and well I can always go home. I've been fired before and I've gotten another job. I am a 32 year old woman whose eggs are ready hatch which makes me a woman whose ready to get hitched (lol). I must prepare for Calvin Johnson (Mega Tron) to find me, fall in love with me and make his Mega wife (lol)

To my friend who is a afraid about anything. Take it from me, accept, embrace, and surrender to your fear. Once you do that you can work through anything.

Til Next Time:
Simply Lola

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Agree to Disagree: A Disagreement with Danita

Everyone knows how much I love my sister. My sister and I are absolute best of friends... poller opposites but thick as thieves  My parents taught us at a very early age that we are ALL we got and it has stuck with us for a life time.  In as much as we are very close sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Its tragic but true that we just don't think alike, especially when it comes to MEN!!!.Now Danita is married  and I, sadly to say am not married. She's younger than me but she thinks knows every thang and yes since I want to be married it would be ideal to take her advice but in this case I just can't do it.   Which brings me to the situation at hand.

For the past 6 months I have been casually dating/ talking to this guy that lives in Dallas. At the beginning of us connecting we hit it off great. As time has gone on things have been very inconsistant with us talking and seeing each other. To make a long story short the last straw was when I went to Dallas for the Holiday and he didn't call or even come by and see me. Now he has said that he is interested in me and likes but his actions aren't adding up. To make a long story short when I opened up for Jon B at the BB King club/loung in New York Time Square I got a lot of great response from friends, family, and people that attended the show. Out of no where this guy sends me a message  via twitter wishing me well and later asking me how did the show go. I thanked him for the support and I let him know that the show went very well. He later said he was proud of me and he'd call me later cause he wanted details. I told him that I was grateful for his support and really appreciated him wishing me well with the show, but there was no need to call me. My exact words were: You didn't call me when I was in Dallas and you're inconsistant which leads me to believe you have a lack of interest in me, so  lets just stick to being social media friends. Of course there was no response and then out of no where he start sending messages saying Good Morning  and How is work, blah, blah , blah.

Since my sister is my best friend that doesn't judge me I  tell her this whole story and she tells me that I am NOT being fair because I refuse to respond. She starts going on and on how maybe he just wants to take it slow and I should really give him a chance. I couldn't believe it!!! Out of the 6months we've been on one date, and he had a brief kiss ( that was actually nice) but other than that it has not gone any where. He doesn't so much as Skype me and if you haven't notice but I am a very attractive woman. Then Danita goes on to say that I should enjoy the moment ...WHAT MOMENT!?!? moments of inconsistency!!! She started telling I'm to hard on guys and I just give him a chance. I couldn't believe it!! Danita is the author and finisher of " YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU and she wants me to compromise.  I am a woman in my early thirties  whose biological clock is running a race of its on. My eggs are diminishing as we speak. I don't have time to take things so slow that I become someones girl friend of 10 years, sorry I can live the life of VH1 Love and Hip Hop, no not me... Aint Nobody Got Time For That. I had a long day at work and I didn't have the energy to go back and forth with her so I have decided to agree to disagree on a subject.

This has been on my mind ALL night and now I'm reaching out to you all  cause I just need to know whose side are you on? Mine or Danita's? Am I really being unreasonable or is she just being too passive.
Really, what is the deal.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Mixed Emotions/ Opening up for Jon B

My New Year is starting off Great. Today is the big day I open up for Jon B in Time Square in New York City. I have mixed emotions. I'm excited, nervous and a little sad at in one.

I'm excited because I'm doing something I love to do and thats perform. I am a performer its what I love to do and who I am creatively. To be able to start off the  New Year doing something I love to do just makes this moment ever more of an awesome feeling. Time Square, how many people can say they have performed in Time Square...not many. So just that alone makes tonight a great moment. Plus its Jon B I mean he's old school, but he made classic hits and for that I am truly honored.

I'm nervous because I have no idea what to expect. I am singing with all tracks because I can't have a band. So it will be just me on stage....ALONE, by myself (no pressure,lol).  Not only that the songs are coming it back to back with only 15secs in between. The good thing about a band is I can feed of their energy and change sounds and vibes its so much fun. Its a good thing I'm not a talker (lol).Then I'm singing all cover songs. For those of you who don't know what a cover song is, its when you just sing popular songs from the radio or an era. I have no problem with this but I am just praying I picked the right songs. I don't know what the audience is going to be like and how many people will be there... all of this has got me crazy. It's not much I can do about it now but go in and kill it in the best way I  can.

Finally, I'm sad cause I wont have my Dallas crew here with me. Lauren wont be here to mouth the words to me, cause Lord knows I forget lyrics in a minute. Kim Hunt wont be here to cheer me on cause thats just what she does. Frank, Daylon, Reggie, Robyn, the Roy Williams SafetyNet foundation...  non of the homies will be in the building. My church family usually makes coming out to support me at my shows as one of their worldly activities but I guess my father didn't approve a bus trip to New York (lol).  I have recruited some New York fans, like my friend Monica and her sister Michelle will be there and a few other people. But to make it like this which is huge to me and not have my crew or even my band just dosen't make it the same.

Please pray for me that the little fear I have turnes into GREAT FAITH!!!, I miss you guys and just know this is just the beginning. Love YA, check out the site

Til Next Time
Simply Lola