Finding My Way To Love

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Simply Lola: Practice Makes Preparation

Practice Makes Preparation

My advisor in college always preach to me “ You practice the way you perform”. I teach self-esteem to 2nd through 5th grade girls every Monday and Tuesday through Kim Kares. I have an exercise that I make the young girls do every time we meet up. We sit in a circle and pass a mirror around and each girl is suppose to look in the mirror and say “Mirror, mirror I am great, I am great because…. “ I’m not sure why but every time we get together it’s the older black girls that test my patience, I mean these girl really make me want to cus not curse, cus…lol ( Lawd give me strength) .The first time I did the exercise with the girls I notice that most of the girls struggled looking in the in the mirror and found it hard to come up with a reason why they were great. I started telling the girls to close their eyes and picture themselves doing something really good, I told them to see themselves the best way possible and every morning before they brush their teeth practice looking in the mirror and saying why they are great. Soon after I began to see a difference in their answers and each week one more girl has been getting comfortable looking in the mirror. I explain to the girls that I was seeing improvement in their answers and one girl said Ms. Lola that’s because we practice before we brush our teeth. Got to love the kids…lol

On last Sunday I performed at the House of Blues. The show was titled Singer Chicks/ Dallas. There was a variety of different female singers performing and I was one of them. I had to sell tickets and practice with a band. I had to do the whole nine yards. I usually don’t really invite people to come out and hear me sing. I like to avoid the disappointment of people not showing up altogether. My friend Daylon encouraged me to really push the show and sell tickets. If singing and performing is something I really want to do I got to be confident in myself and really do it. I was a little hesitant but I figured it was a good way to make money doing something I love so I did. I pushed and promoted my show. As time got closer to the day of the show I began to be excited anxious and nervous . I even purchased my very first one of a kind Betsey Johnson dress. I figure to be a star I got start dressing like a star ( let the church say amen). OMG the mere sight of my dress made me want to sing even more. Well the day of the show I got my makeup done and I looked in the mirror in aww… I could not believe Melanie (the makeup artist) made me look so flawless and beautiful. I told myself if Mr. Right approaches me tonight, I am going to have warn him that I don’t look like this in the morning. I don’t want him to wake up singing the fresh prince song (laying in bed with a girl don’t know if her face is hers…lol). My shoes were killin(meaning good). It was time for the show. As the host called, my name and I walked on stage, looked out into the audience, and saw everyone that came to support me. I immediately wanted a drink to calm my nerves, I quickly remembered I had given up liqueur for lent. I kept thinking and hoping to do well, I didn’t want to disappoint anyone especially myself. As I walked on stage I closed my eyes and said to myself “Mirror, mirror I am great I am great because I am the Best Lola Natisa to perform tonight. As opened my mouth to sing Chaka Khan “Tell Me Something Good” my nerves began to settle. Each song I sang I felt myself getting better and better. I ended the show with Etta James “At Last” and at the end of the show I realized that “At Last” the Lola I see has finally come along.

God answers prayers in the most unique way. I prayed this year that God will show me how to be confident in myself. In teaching young girls to look at themselves and believe that they are great , I didn’t know that I was teaching myself the same thing. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes preparation. Whatever you want in life there has to be preparation for it. For me preparing starts with seeing me as the great Lola Natisa Wilson God has ever created.

This week start with yourself and practice seeing you as the best you God has ever created

Til Next Week


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Simply Lola: Enjoy the Journey

Every Sunday I sing at my fathers 7:30am church service. The praise team and choir consist me, my mother and our lead soloist, a little old lady Sis. Holloman. Every now and again my dad with chime in as a lead vocalist. Let just say with or without the holy spirit he is a much better preacher than singer. It never fails every Sunday about 6am I am thinking of a way not to go to church because nine times out of ten I have just gotten home from singing at a club or hanging with friends. I’ve only gotten maybe two to three hours of sleep maybe even less. For some reason with all the excuses that I come up with I force myself in the shower, brush my teeth, wash my face, comb my hair, put on makeup, and dress for church. I get to church there are the same five people sitting in their old faithful spots. Now because it’s the early morning service we don’t sing the new contemporary gospel songs we stick to the all old school songs. No lie my mother and I have remix Glory Glory Hallelujah ten different ways. Sis. Holloman sings her hymns for about twenty to thirty minutes and well that’s the music 7:30 service at my fathers church, just us faithful three. Needless to say I am most happy after every service. Its not were I want to be but it's in that moment of singing I'm most happy

Due to my tragic heart break and not sure how to mend the pieces of my heart back together my friend Kim suggested that come hangout with her on last Friday. She warned me that the place we were going was a mixed crowd and that her favorite band Professor D was playing so it may not be what I’m was use to. For the most part she was right. I’m use to parties with the want to be educated, almost educated, educated, and over educated black people that stand around the wall and judge each other while the DJ plays the newest hits. It was new for me to walk in a club and everyone is dancing and not dressed in clothes they are still paying off. Cape Buffalo was not a place that had a VIP section nor were there injured reserved athletes head lining to promote the club. It was just a spot with a six piece band playing the top forty’s and people dancing the night away. Dressed in shorts and casual long white shirt with my cowboy boots. I felt very comfortable and confident. I was approached by a young Spanish gentlemen (not Mexican) this guy was from Nicaragua. He began to speak to me in Spanish under the assumption I was Spanish. Now that I have long hair ( micro braids) and I’m light skin, and club being dark he was confused about my ethnicity. When he realized I was not Spanish he smiled and said “dance” meaning would I like to dance. I nodded in agreement and so we danced. He knew how to salsa and I knew the electric slide. We put the two together and created the electric salsa slide. It was great. He only knew two words in English and that was “you’re beautiful” I managed to teach him my name and so by the end of the night he knew three words “Lola you’re beautiful“. What can I say the young fellow has great taste. We danced for so long I completely forgot about my titanic heart break. When the night came to an end my Spanish crush pulled out his phone and as sweet as he was I knew the language we spoke well was with our feet and it would only limit us to one night. It felt good to be desired my someone even if we didn’t speak the same language. He wasn’t what I wanted long term but his company made me so happy for one night.

As a single singer finding my way in life,I've been rejected my lovers and lots of music power players, but its simple moments like singing at church and dancing the night away that keep me believing in who I am. I realize that reaching my destiny is important but not as important as enjoying the journey. What makes my destiny so beautiful are the moments and experiences I have upon arrival. Whether good or bad it makes living each day all the worth while.

Til Next Week

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Simply Lola : A Love Transfer

It is the beginning of spring and as a Baptist I have decided to take part in the Catholic faith and observe lent. For lent this year I have given up alcohol. I thought about giving up food but I rarely eat and now with this new trainer I have at the YMCA I have to eat 5 small meals a day and I can no longer have soda if I want to get into this two piece swim suite by April 14(Mexico here I come) Lastly its been 5 months since I‘ve "colored" (sex). Okay recap, no sex, no alcohol, and no soda, what do I do. What am I suppose to do with all the energy I used for sex, happy hours and parties. It is said that energy is never lost but only transferred. So I transferred all my energy of happy hangovers and exciting orgasms to rehearsing for the up and coming play I’m in “Wreck but not Totaled, preparing for my showcase March 28th at the House of Blues, and organizing a community service clothing drive for my friend Tish grandmother who runs an orphanage in Haiti. Never the less a good Long Island Ice Tea after a long day is still something I miss and oh how I long to color with someone who never stays inside the lines and uses every color in his box (lol)…YES YES YES!!!!…sorry I got caught up in my sexual imagination…lol but I’m back and focus.

Ever since Sex and The City went off the air I have become a fan of Grey’s Anatomy. While watching my favorite show last Thursday I received a call from the Titan. Grey’s Anatomy is a very important show to me so I didn’t answer. A few minutes later I received a text from him saying : ( WOW) I wasn’t sure exactly what he was talking about and since I have to be at the gym by 4:30am I felt it was best to go to bed and not respond. The next morning I woke up and realized just what he was talking about, my blog. Confused because the last time we talked he made it clear that he does not care about me and is not concerned about me. Many questions circled my brain, like how is he getting my blog we’re not face book friends, I don’t know his friends and he doesn’t know mine. I never returned his call or responded to his text. Its crazy because just one phone call and one text message sent me back to a place I thought I would never go to again with him. I always thought that if I found out the truth with the Titan that would be my closure, but knowing the truth just opened the door to more questions to the coequal,. “Loving the Warrior“.

The Titan and I had bond that was very different from anything I experienced. There were never extravagant gifts, or shopping sprees, or even fine dinning it was just us. Don’t get me wrong we hung out a lot. We had things in common both our fathers are ministers. A lot of our conversations were about spiritually growing and our relationship with God. He once told me after his run on the field he was going to become a minister, because he felt he had been called to preach. I always wanted to show him that I believed in him. I never had much money but even when I was in Atlanta with no car having to ride the bus to work I made sure he got a birthday card. What I loved about us is when we talked, we would talk for hours. I will never forget once when I had a bad day he called , we played name that UGK song. In the oddest ways we had fun. I found myself once again only thinking of him. I’m not sure if our bond was ever really real to him. Having all this love I have for him and knowing he wont receive it, I wonder what do I do with it. I picked up a pen and began to write. I used words that painted the picture of my undying love for him. The more I wrote the clearer I began to see, think and feel. I simply transferred my heartache, and vulnerable loving energy into songs. I stopped wondering if he loved or ever loved me. I stop thinking about if he ever really cared, and accepted that I may never know how he feels. I turned my obsession of curiosity into beautiful music.

Love is an energy, its never lost it is simply transferred to someone or to something else. For me the something is music. I think about how much I love the Titan and how hard I loved the Titan and I realized I don’t think I’ve ever loved myself as much as I loved him. Realizing the love I have for him will never go away I made a decision to just transfer all the love I have for him to me. My heart may not be able to help who I love, but I can help how I deal with it.
We all have love filled with energy and for some of us we are waiting for someone or something to share what we feel. This week don’t wait to share your feelings of love simply transfer it to yourself. Love you like you’ve never loved you before.

Til next week

Monday, March 8, 2010

Simply Lola: Meeting Height Requirements

Meeting Height Requirements

It was Super Bowl Mondays at Geshia House in Dallas Texas. I saw him in the distance. It was love at first sight. We sat next to each other and without words; I knew he was the one. We shared a passionate moment dancing to the song Wasted by Gucci Man. We committed our love for each other when I ate the last piece of lobster off his seafood platter. When it was time to ride off into the night all 7 feet of him stood up. As I stood next to him I knew it was over, what was the best 45 minutes of my life came to an end. He wanted too have his very own Lebron James and my 5”4 height just could not promise him that.After carefully examining my height there was no doubt that just I didn't meet the height requirements (tragic just tragic)

My friend Jocelyn is always preaching to me about being open-minded when it comes to dating. Of course, this is coming from a woman that has been in a serious relationship since college. It’s always the married or the ones that have been in a relationship forever in a day that have advice for the ones who are without a significant other. After being preached to about my requirements from Jocelyn I decided to have an open mind. Last week I met my sister at Chili’s for dinner the waiter asked me if I had a man. My sister answered for me and said no. As we were leaving our waiter Lenny, wrote his number on a piece of paper and asked me to give him a call. Despite the fact he had a gap between his teeth wide enough to kick a field goal, or that he was 5”2, with a bad hair cut, I gave him a call. I left a message saying thank you for his compliments and interest in me. About 12 midnight I received a text message that said: Who da fuck is dis and how u no Lenny? (Yes this is how the text read). Now I am going to go off on a limb here and say that Lenny is married or has a girlfriend with poor grammar and does not know how to use spell check, but neither do I. Lost for words but not shocked I decided not to respond to the text message. Never the less I decided to keep my open mind and give my friend Crystal the ok to give her boyfriend’s friend Dawnotocho my number (yes his name is pronounced the way it is spelled). After a quick conversation with Crystal about Dawnotocho I have found out that he has just come out of a four year relationship with a woman that he holds a great deal of bitterness towards ( how romantic is that...such a lucky girl I am...boy oh boy)

Dating has some similarities to creating music. As a singer/ song writer I write songs based on the rhythm and music I hear in my head. I go into a studio and tell the produce how I want the music to sound for the song I’ve written. The producer after a few times of trying to create the sound that I hear in my head gives me an excuse or reason why what I hear can not be musically formulated, and at this point the prodcuer is asking me to have an open mind. I agree to an open mind only to receive musical crap. (with the exception of Jacovie…lol)

As I reflect on my success of having an open mind, I have drawn the conclusion that having an open mind is bullshit. I write songs and I visualize exactly how I want them to sound and how I want to sing them. Just like my man I visualize exactly how I want him to be, look and make me feel. If I see him for myself, and I believe him for myself, at the right time I will receive him for myself.

My 7-foot tall lover requires a woman at least 5”7 no exceptions. As a woman standing 5”4 I have some requirements of my own. My requirements are that not only is he good at sacking the quarter back but just by the mere look in my eyes he’s dying to get to know as much as he can about me and he will go out of his way to do so. My man is a man not a secret hiding coward, he loves me with all his heart and is so bless to with me, a beautiful, giving, loving, and loyal lady in the streets and a ...yall know (I’ll spare my momma’s life today…lol) . This one man knows that I am the one woman for him. I say goodbye to having an open mind and hello to keeping my height requirements.

Till Next Week

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A Last Etta James

At Reason To Go To House of Blues (dallas) March 28th
tickets $10

Tickets can be purchase @
Roy Williams Safety Foundation
8585 N. Stemmons Freeway Suite M.29
Dallas Texas 75247
Ph. 214-905-3816

Monday, March 1, 2010

Simply Lola: My Wish List

Living in Atlanta I would hear a saying that would go something like this. Rappers want to be athletes and athletes want to be rappers. It was the popular visibility that the athletes sought after and it was the financial wealth that rappers wanted oh so bad. In some ways depending on what athlete or rapper, you asked this was true. I remember there being a grand opening for a night club in Atlanta and the unveiling of Ludacris new liquor (Conjure Cogac) my friend Jennifer was putting the VIP list together. She called me and asked about Julius Peppers and Jammal Brown. She wanted to know who they were before she approved their VIP access. I was totally shocked that she had no clue who they were I told her in these words ( dude are you serious their pro bowlers), Jammal Brown is a lineman for the Saints and Julius Peppers plays defense for North Carolina). I could not understand how she could not know this! (I mean doesn’t everyone watch America’s sport) Then it hit me in Atlanta the poor Atlanta Falcons and Hawks get no love but the broke one hit wonder rappers are VIP and always treated like stars.

When I think about my life I can't help but to think of my wants. We all have wants. It is always “the wants” that will make our lives so much or easier, worth living and complete. When things seem to be crazy and not making sense, the first thing that comes to my mind is my wish list. In my mind, I always start thinking about the “If I Only Had” more like a wish list: It always starts with “I wish”
1. the president of Warner Brother Records would find me, love the way I sound and sign me to a 3 album deal.
2. I had $100,000,000
3. I had a car ( Range Rover mid night blue w/black interior)
4. I had my own place (condo down town over looking the city skyline)
5. 20 pounds lighter( just want to wear a two piece once in my life)
6. Tommie Harris knocked on my door and asked me for my had in marriage (God I love that man),
7. I had more clothes ( unlimited amount of dresses from Betsy Johnson)
8. I had more shoes (Oh how I love Jimmy Choo, Christian Louie V.)
9. I had some love and affection ( oh a simple kiss from Tommie…lol)
10. I had something in common with my family…lol (maybe I wouldn’t’ feel weird sitting at holiday dinners, like on sesame street one of these people don’t belong…lol )

My list can go on and on, the same as anyone with a wish list. This is just the top ten, the mandatory items…lol. Some days I wake up like "Oh Lord why oh why haven't you answered my prayers...what is the hold up. I look at other people that appear to have it going on and think DAMNIT! really why do they get their wish list...its unfair, where is the Then it hits me Haiti was destroyed by an earth quake, a man killed himself and one other person to prove a point to the government, a bishop in Dallas just married his fourth wife in December and preached his last sermon Thursday. By Friday morning he past away. Hawaii and Chili just experienced natural disasters. The fact that a few years back my car flipped over four times on a busy freeway during 4pm traffic and I walked away without a scratch or a bourse. Within a blink of an eye what I know has my common life can change. What I know as not being enough can become memories I wished I had back.

A wish list gives us something to look forward to in our future. Never apologize for what you want or wish for, but do not allow them to distract you from all you have on today. As you sit back, read these words, smile, and give thanks for who you are and what you have today. The true beauty of Today is that is a new day. Embrace all that today has to offer and love every minute of it, because tomorrow will never look like today.

Till Next