Wednesday, December 21, 2011
From reading the title of this blog I’m sure you're probably thinking that I am about to talk about following your passion and living your destiny. But I'm not (sorry) what I want to talk about is dreams that you have and wake up thinking OMG that was a crazy ass dream. Like the dream you have that all your teeth fall out of your mouth, and you wake up running to the bath to look in the mirror making sure they all still there. Or the one you have about falling and when you hit the ground you jump up out of your sleep. I want to talk dreams that make absolutely no sense in theory but yet that make sense in other ways.
I have been dreaming about this guy that I barely know. The only thing I know about him is that when I first met him I thought to myself he would totally make a great husband, but back then I was caught up loving the Titan that I didn't pursue him. The other thing is that this guy never really showed interest in me, like he's never been mean to me but he's never been really nice to me, like nice in the way of giving off signs that he likes me. Anyway, these dreams all started about a week ago after I went to this event with my friend Dana. I was really bored at this industry event that I just sat at the bar and watched ESPN. While I was watching the sports channel I had got this strong craving, like when you crave chocolate around that time of the month to see him. I don't know why but I really, really wanted to kiss him and touch him and just be with him. I hadn't been drinking so I just thought it was weird and didn't think anything of it until the next night when I started having dreams about him. I first dreamt that I was sleep in his arms and he was carrying me up some stairs. And then I dreamt that I was singing to a really big crowd and he was watching me in the audience. Then I dreamt we had a huge fight about me moving back to Dallas...now I remember that one because I was crying and I really wanted to move back but I couldn't at that time. Here's what’s crazy this guy doesn’t live in Dallas...well he does and he doesn't (I know, just go with me on this one)
I’ve gotten very obsessed about all these dreams I’m having and even with the burning desire that I got at the industry event. I keep going over every dream and every detail trying to figure if he's "the one" or am I just trippin. What’s worse is I think about him a lot, I mean a lot. It's like this fantasy of mine has taken on a life of its own (lol). Since I barely know him I don't have his number and we don't really hang in the same circles. I told my friend Karen about my mental love connection and of course she encouraged me tap into my inner CSI and find my dream lover. Without hesitation I did (lol). I found out that he's single, his birthday is the day after my dad's and that he doesn't have a facebook page, he has a fan page but not a personal page. I even found an email address for him ,but I haven't emailed him because I don't want to look like a stalker even though I kinda feel like one (lol). On top of that I'm not sure he actually likes me. Like I said before he's never really given me that vibe like he's feelin me. Plus I feel like I'm just way to anxious and if I met him today I'd probably jump his bones and give him my cookies before he could even say hello (lol), hey don't judge me (lol)... it's been a while since I've been touched in the best way (lol).
For the sake of my sanity I have decided to back off. I have to be honest I really, really want to see if these will come true. I'm not really sure how we would run into each other. I'm in Atlanta and he's in Baltimore when he's not in Dallas ( I mean when will I ever go to Balitmore, lol). Thank God I'm a starving artist because if I had some money I think I would fly where he's at and " purposely bump into him (lol). I'm pretty sure I am spending way to much time on this. But it would be so nice to finally be in a relationship with someone that wants me just as much as i want them. They say you can't miss what you've never had but I beg to differ. Each year I pray that this is the year that I can be with the love of my life. I know this may sound petty but I've never really had a valentine on Valentines Day, or roses delivered to me on my birthday. Since I'm about being this faith driven person now I have to believe that if my dream lover is the one that the stars will line up and we will be together living happily ever after(lol).
To my friend who is wondering if crazy dreams come true, I have to tell ya I don’t know (lol). In as much as we very anxious to see them manifest we to be patient and just chill out.
Til next Time
Thursday, December 8, 2011
When the word SEX comes to mind many of us immediately relate it to Sin. It’s the forbidding act that commonly is used for exciting pleasure. Depending on who you talk to sex is the leading sin that will send you straight to hell on a scholarship (lol). My attitude is this, if we the fornicators are getting scholarships to hell make sure the over eaters in world should get their full ride too because gluttony is definitely on the sinful rise. Let's be honest if you aint coloring your eating cookies, cake, candy and any other bad comfort food to compensate for the lack of a freaky good time (lol). But who am I to say whose going where , I don’t have a heaven or a hell to but anyone in so I dare not judge. In my opinion I think of sex being more than just an sinful act. I think it’s a description of character. I mean think about it, when we find someone attractive we desire to get to know them emotionally and physically. Men (straight men at least) think vaginas are attractive and want to sleep with all the clean, fresh and tight ones. If the vagina happens to have a pretty face and a nice personality to go along with it well then that just means they want to color with that vagina on more than one occasion (lol). Regardless of how any of us want to look at it, we are all selling sex in one way or another. How we sell it is based one who we are and how package it. As a single woman on the market I realize that how I carry myself determines the type of men that take interest in me and the same goes for me as a singer.
In the world of music image is everything. If you don’t have an image, then you don’t have a fan base, if you don’t have a fan base well then please believe no one is buying your music. Since I’ve taken the route of singing pop music I’ve had to start really defining myself as a pop artist. I realize that there are plenty of talented cute girls in world that want to make it big, but the ones that make it are the ones that sell themselves in a unique way, which is why I have hooked up with the one and only Alex. Alex is an aggressive, confident gay black man who is all about making shit happen and he’s also my store manager. I asked him if he’d take me on as a client a few weeks ago and gave him some of my music to listen to before he made a commitment. I figured he be a good person to work with because gay people love pop music and well he’s really good at what he does. Samantha from “Sex and the City” said it best first the gays, then the girls (lol). Anyway, after he heard my music he was totally down with making me the next big thing on the music scene. He told me I was really talented and way too cute. But cute was the one thing that was holding me back. Apparently I can’t be cute I have to Hot, and not just hot but fucking HOT (which were his words) and the only way to be Fucking Hot was I have to sell sex.
When he first started talking about me selling sex I thought to myself, OMG!?!, what in world are my saved and sanctified parents going to think about me being the black Lady Gaga (lol). The more he talked the more I understood that I wouldn’t be the black Lady Gaga but he did have a vision for me. He told me I gotta walk it, talk it and look it. I couldn’t help myself I had to ask him, will all this sex stuff make me look like a prostitute. Of course he laughed and said absolutely not. Then he schooled me, he said sex is an attitude, it’s the way you carry yourself. He said in order to sell sex, I’ve got to be sexy. When I walk into a room my mire presence should command attention. My conversation should be so engaging that people are dying to hear what I have to say because they’re obsessed with my voice.
Considering that what I’ve been doing hasn’t worked I figure why not try something different, i.e. selling sex. I just want say that selling sex is no easy job. I am wearing 6 inch heels, long cat nails and extremely long hair. Now that everything is long and dramatic it is taking some getting use to. I hate texting on my phone because my nails get in the way, and wrapping my hair at night has become a chore like no other, but at the end of the day I really like the new sexy me (lol). The heels have really helped my posture if I do say so myself. Having to do this whole transformation I realized Alex was right. Sex isn’t just about the act but more about the attitude. To tell the truth I’ve always wanted to be a desirable woman with the attitude that I can have any man or thing I want. It feels good to be able express the sexier side of me through my music and performance and even in my daily life for that matter. I kinda feel like I am killing two birds with one stone. The more I develop as this sexy artist the more I will develop as a sexy lady, which will give me the ammunition I need to attract Calvin Johnson (lol).
As I stated before we are all selling sex in one form or another. There are those of us that sell it like we’re the Virgin Mary and then there are those of us that sell it like we’re Madonna. It doesn’t matter which way you sell it as long as you’re comfortable and confident.
Til Next Time