Finding My Way To Love

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

No More Fear This Year

Working in the music industry is a great experience but  at the same time it has got to be the most unstable industry to be in, especially when it comes to Black Entertainment. I love my job (Lawd knows I do) but working with my boss has been one hell of a challenge. I stress out all the time about if I am doing a good job or if she's gonna fire me for making a mistakes. I mean she's so cut throat that it freaks me out. My job is not hard at all. I'm an assist for Christ sake. I'm not curing cancer or discovering new research on deadly diseases. All I'm doing scheduling appointments and executing her administrative needs. Never the less I beat myself up on not doing a good enough job all the time. The more I feel like a failure the more I wanted to quit and go home. At least once a week I have said to myself "I don't have to take this shit, my momma loves me I can go home" (lol).The stress from my job got so bad that I poped a blood vessel in my eye... Oh wait, time out, flag on the play unnecessary roughness on ME!  I am on the market and I can NOT being looking like I've subjected myself to an abusive relationship... NO WAY NO HOW!!!

Breaking a blood vessel I knew it was time to get a grip on myself and say enough is enough. So I decided to just STOP. STOP being so afraid of not doing a good job, or being good enough. Most importantly I've decided to STOP beating myself up. I mean lets be honest my greatest fear of not doing a good job has clearly come up on me. I've sent more emails to the wrong person then the right person. I've delivered itineraries with missing information . Lord knows I have done it all. I don't pay attention to detail very well (its not one of my strongest traits) and I am going to mess up sometimes.  I am a born perform it is what I do best but right now I am the assistant to a woman who can kill you with her words alone.  So  if her words are going to kill me at least I know I'm going to Heaven, well as long as God threw my sins in the sea of forgetfulness, I should be good (lol).

I am reminded of the bible story Job. A man who worshiped God all because he was afraid of losing all that he had, only to eventually lose everything. It was when he surrendered to his fear that God was able to give hime back all that he had lost. The most valuable lesson I've learned coming into this New Year is that I can't let my fears get the best me. I have to accept my flaws and decide with time the things I struggle with I'll get better at. I can do this and I will do this job well. Quitting is NOT an option and if they fire me God will provide, my momma loves me and well I can always go home. I've been fired before and I've gotten another job. I am a 32 year old woman whose eggs are ready hatch which makes me a woman whose ready to get hitched (lol). I must prepare for Calvin Johnson (Mega Tron) to find me, fall in love with me and make his Mega wife (lol)

To my friend who is a afraid about anything. Take it from me, accept, embrace, and surrender to your fear. Once you do that you can work through anything.

Til Next Time:
Simply Lola

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