Finding My Way To Love

Monday, December 6, 2010

Deciding Too Love The Warrior

Friday I was in a great mood. I confirmed my showcase coming up Friday December 10th; and I’ve been getting great reviews on the Conjure song I recorded for the new Ludacris cognac liquor. With all the good coming my way I figured I deserved to celebrate. So I met my friend Bizu at Kona Gill for happy hour only to find that she had some last minute shopping to do with her friend. I was not interested in window wishing and just decided to sit at Kona and wait for their return. I’m not sure if it’s was my new hairdo, my pretty face, or both but I attracted a group nice island gentlemen who kept me entertained with conversation until Bizu returned. The men were very generous and offered to buy a few too many drinks (lol).After happy hour the party continued. We hit up the Velvet Room, and a few other spots. I had a little liquid courage I did a little innocent flirty. As the night died down a guy friend of mine took me to my car. On the way to my car we talked about old times and how I thought he was just a great person. Out of nowhere he kissed me. I was shocked and thought he’s not a bad kisser, so we kissed again and the next thing you know we were all over each other. As we fogged up the windows I looked at him and right in the middle of our tongue of war I stopped. It was clear my thoughts were not on him, and I wish he were someone else (God he was right, he is in my way).

A few weeks ago the Titan told me he loved me at a night club bar in between patron shots. My response was, I’m moving to Atlanta. A few days later after contemplating on what he said I felt I owed him an apology for the part I played in our on and off again drama. After my apology he simply said he thinks he’s just going to get out my way. After my tongue of war Friday night I laid in my bed thinking to myself I just can’t keep fighting my heart and my feelings it’s killing me. My heart wins, therefore I decided accept how I feel and just love him. Love him for who he is nothing more nothing less. He is who I love.

So what does loving the warrior mean? Well for right now it means I continue to living my life. It means I stop living in denial and no longer worry about what’s to come of us and work through the process. It means I let go of the past and have faith for a better future. If I made a list and see if the good out weights the bad, I’m sure the bad would win but he wasn’t bad by himself. I want for us to one day be able to start a fresh start no long pointing the finger at each other but just allowing love to take its course. I know many will criticize my decision but I don’t care. Because loving him doesn’t cost me anything. By just accepting my loving him I find peace in my illogical thoughts. I have hope in the bleakest of times and warmth in my most frigid condition.

To my friend that is resisting love because it doesn’t make sense, know that it may never make sense and that’s when love counts. It’s easy to love the obvious but it’s most genuine regardless of the obvious.
Til Next Time

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