Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Doing Whatever It Takes/ The Shit Aint No Joke
At my age many people throw in the towel, get a boring job and just give up on their childhood dreams. For women we usually meet a guy we can kinda can live with, marry him have a few kids and blame our new family we help create on why we no longer are pursuing our passion. Men however wait out a little longer (maybe like mid to late 30’s) to basically do the same thing women do and use the same excuse. But not ME! I am still yet holding on and keeping the faith. And why am I exactly still holding on and keeping the faith in my dreams? Well I’m glad you asked, because I have not found a guy I can kinda live with and get married to and purposely have children to blame for taking my heart’s desire away from me (lol). And trust me, Lord knows that I’ve been looking. There are two things in life that I really want to happen in my life, well more like three and they are to become a great success as an entertainer, to be a great mother to my children and to marry Calvin Johnson the wide reciever for the Detroit Lions, or I’ll settle for a great man of God, ( hey, don’t judge me, lol). Because I have yet to meet my husband I have not been able to start a family and for that reason I am moving to New York. I’ve always wanted to live in New York and so this is why I’ve accept a job there that will give me the freedom to pursue my happiness.
I have a friend who recently told me she was envious of my freedom and wish she had the courage to just go do what she loved to do. As she was talking to me I thought to myself she has got to be crazy to think that going after what I loved is something to be envious of. There is not a day that goes by that I wish I would have settled for stability and not sacrificed all I have on my big dreams. The only reason I haven’t given up and called it quits is because I’ve come too far to turn around. However ,I must be honest this shit aint no joke. I am homeless and carless (in the terms of not having a home or car in my name), and I pray faithfully at the counter of any and every store that my debit is accepted and not declined. This is the life of a person that is pursuing their dreams. Deciding to give what I believe in all I’ve got for however long it takes is a BEAST! I totally understand why people don’t pursue their happiness, because it’s a life of expecting the unexpected and hoping for the best or better yet to just survive in the end. I work a part time job making maybe $300 to live off of for two weeks and that’s if my hours aren’t cut and I am able to pick up some extra shift (which isn’t very often). I can’t tell you the last time I purchased something so little as new underwear (granted I hand wash my panties and bra so that they will last a long time.) Because I have made this decision to continue to press forward I take full responsibility for it and don’t use my parents as an ATM. So I ask you as you sit in your comfortable cubical doing whatever it is you’re doing making more than enough to enjoy the finer things in life like the 30% off sale at Victoria Secret or being able to pay $20 to get into a party without lying about having to sing for the guest of honor or name dropping at the door just to get in( yes, I’m guilty of all the above), do you really what to trade places with me, lol? Not to mention all the once and a life time experiences I’ve missed out on just because I didn’t have the money, like my best friend Crystals 30th birthday party in Vegas, or my nieces birthday and her dance competitions. I promise every Sunday I am in tears because I want my mommy(lol). Living a life in pursuit of happiness cost a great deal and rejection is a very hard pill to swallow. To hear someone say who I am and what I have to offer just isn’t good enough over and over again is painful and heartbreaking. I am constantly building and rebuilding myself up. Granted my struggle/ journey has really built my character but I can’t cash character at the bank (lol). It has even brought me closer to God so with that being said I’m okay with my decision.
When I look at the lives of great people like Tyler Perry, Oprah Whinfey and even my dad I understand that in order to see what God has for me I must take the risk of losing all that I have. Making great sacrifices to get where I want to be is all about strengthening my faith and for that I will press on. With that being said, to my friend who is considering risking it all in pursuit of your happiness please know it’s hard work. Most days the hard work consists of you just keeping your faith. However if you’ve reconsidered risking it all, don’t beat yourself up because I’ll be honest there are many days I wish I would have just stayed put in Dallas. Either way God’s love is still the same in whatever you decide.
Til Next Time