Finding My Way To Love

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Simply Lola: Dying Too Live

There is this new series on Showtime called “The Big C”. It’s about a woman that goes in for her annual checkup only to leave her doctor’s office with news that she has breast cancer. She takes her tragic news and decides not to undergo any treatments or surgeries and builds a pool in her front yard to teach her rebelling teenage son the banana split. I have to say this is the best show I have seen since the premier of Grey’s Anatomy and the cancelation of “The Game”. Well anyway, her doctor can only guaranty her one year to live, so she takes the summer to help the black actress from the movie “Precious” (which by the way her name isn’t really Precious its Gabourey Sidibe) lose weight by giving her a hundred dollars for every pound she loses, kicks her husband out, makes friends the angry old lady across her street who doesn’t cut her lawn, and burns the coach she’s always hated in her back yard. Cleary this is a white woman because I if a black woman gets wind that she is dying she’d go straight to church lay at the altar and beg God to heal her from her disease only so she can go back to living life laying at the altar thanking God for saving her life. I’m a black woman and I love being black but why is it that we (meaning black woman) don’t actually live life but just pray and complain about life (We’ve got to do better)

Each year has twelve months; each month has at least thirty days with the exception of February. In a few weeks I will be turning thirty and for the most part of my life I have worried about my life. I have had anxiety attacks about what is going to happen to me, and when will life start for me. As I reflect on my dramatic scenes of “Lord Oh Why Me Lord…Where art thy Lord…Come Save Me Holy One blah, blah ,blah blah, blah I realize I’ve wasted 348 months and 10585 days on wondering if I will ever live my life( the math maybe a little off)lol.Worrying about the next time I will color or become all I've dreamed is so trivial and its time to live...yes my friend do my very best to just live my life.Now I am and will always be a black woman, so building a pool in my front yard wouldn’t be on my “To Do List” but what I would do is:

1. Never take no for an answer
2. Forgive myself for all the mistakes I’ve ever made
3. Stop biting my nails
4. Finish the book Eat, Pray, Love ( I promised my Crystal I’d read it before I saw it at the movie)
5. Stop worrying how this damn blog I started will end
6. Speak my mind, and never apologize for it
7. Have confidence in everything I do, never concerned about what others think of me
8. Lastly, I would do whatever it takes to do whatever I want to do, no matter what it is.

I’ve always wanted to be in love with someone that is in love with me, and have red roses delivered to me just because he’d do anything to see my beautiful smile. I’ve wanted to record dozen of albums , win numerous awards, act in movies with actors like Meryl Streep and Jamie Fox ( I know weird combination) and have a little girl (Lalah Rashawn) twin boys (Jackson and Jeremiah). I realize that life is short and I can’t worry about my wish list of love, romance, and bright light fairy tale fantasies. I can only be thankful for the time I have on this earth and make the most of each day I have. So my advice to all who is reading: Stop Dying Too Live, and Start Living Before You Die

Til Next Time Simply Lola

1 comment:

Gaea said...

Ok, so two things...
girl, you crack me up about your "color" analogy! LOL

And... I love that you spelled Lalah the way you did... I'm sure it's to name your future baby girl after Lalah Hathaway. That was my intention, but my dear hubby hates the way it's spelled. So I compromised and went with Laila. I prefer Lalah! So go for it, and don't take no for an answer when the love of your life says he doesn't like the spelling! ;-)

Love ya, sis!