Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Man With The Plastic Penis
Before I start with my “Once Upon A Time” story I have to make a disclaimer. The story I’m about to tell was told to me by my mother. Now it’s my understanding that she got this story off the internet, and well we all know that internet may or may not be true…but anyway, here it goes.
Once upon a time there was a man who fell in love with a single mother of five. The two dated for a few months. They had a lot in common and enjoyed each other’s company. In fact they spent so much time together that the wealthy single man quickly got attached to her children and became a father figure in their lives. The man decided to ask for the single mother’s hand in marriage. In as much as the mother of five wanted to say yes to his proposal she couldn’t. She couldn’t say yes because there was one small (more like huge) problem that she couldn’t get past. The problem was that perfect gentleman had a plastic paint brush (i.e. penis). Because of his plastic situation he would be very limited with their coloring activity. Although she didn’t want to have any more children she’s a woman with needs. Needs that need to be met in unlimited ways by coloring activities. Her family was very upset and disappointed that she turned down the perfect gentleman all because of his silly little plastic painrtbrush.
After my mother told me this story she said to me “I don’t understand how single women cry, beg, and whine for God to send them a good man and when he does yall (indirecty including me in "yall") turn him down all because he can’t stick his thing I ya”. Of course my grandmother agreed with my mother saying “ shoot it don’t matter who ya marry cause when they get to be about 65 it don't get hard amd they can’t go no more (ROLMAO). As I listen to both my mother and grandmother talk about this plastic penis situation I thought to myself, it’s easy for them to talk, they are married to perfectly normal painters with functioning paintbrushes....well as least my mother is my dad isn't 65 yet(lol).
It’s amazing how single women are critized for not settling and men are respected for not settling. When a woman is asked what it is she wants in a man most of the time she has a generic answer…like, I just want him to be a loving, respectful God fearing man. She’ll rarely be honest and say, I want a wealthy attractive man who is loving, respectful, God fearing with a decent size penis that will make me sing octaves I never thought I could ever reach (lol). The single woman that disagrees with this statement is the control freak workaholic that everyone prays for to get laid so that she can release some of her tension and no longer be the angry bitter bitch(lol). As a single woman, if we publicly vocalized our honest wants and desires from a man we would be considered shallow. We’d have friends and family saying what we want is too much, and we should just let God give us what he wants for us because he knows our needs. I am cool with God knowing and supplying my needs but my needs better not come with a plastic penis (lol). Forgive me but I like most single women have been playing with plastic vibrating objects to pass the time for when I say “I do” (lol) If I am going to continue to cum with a generic object then I should be forever committed to a dildo (lol).
Men however can get away with expressing their demands. When a man is asked what he wants in a woman he confidently responds by saying, well she’s got to be bad ( as in fine),cook , clean, and give great head. And all his friends and family will say is,…well at least he knows what he wants. Clearly this is a double standard but that doesn’t mean I or any other single woman has to accept this foolishness.
I feel like the mother of five children past up on a good man with a plastic penis should not be judge as a shallow, picky woman. Hell, if she only wanted to be eaten out every time she had a sexual urge she’d be a lesbian. Clearly this woman has her issues too…she’s got five kids. But even with her issues she shouldn’t have to settle. I get that nobody is perfect and that most people will have 80% of what I want and 20% 0f what I can do without. In my 80% there is no compromising in regards to a well endowed paint brush with powerful moves that will put me to sleep …but that are just me.
To my friend who is considering settling for a man with disappointing short comings. I must say don’t. If you settle for 20% and not the 80% you’ll hate yourself in the end. Further more men don’t settle, and the ones that do are heavy weight cheaters. Clearly I could be wrong but I could very well me right. So what if your friends and family judge you based on what you want, they’re your wants your needs, and your desire. You have to live with you and your decision. Hey, I want Calvin Johnson the Wide Receive for the Detroit Lions (lol)…I don’t care that my mother wants me to marry a preacher… that’s not what I want. If nothing else be confident in knowing that you and even I don’t have to settle.
Til Next Time