Making The First MOVE!?! GUYS Or GIRLS

When I was growing up my father had a rule. The rule was boys can call me and my sister but we can't call boys. For a long time I thought this rule was stupid and he was just being a mean ole man but as I've gotten older I totally get it. I realize that he was teaching my sister the importace of allowing the man take the lead.

 Right now I am in dating mode. The guys I am talking to don't live in New York, and I'm okay with that. The problem that I seem to be having is that they all want me to come see them. Let me make myself VERY CLEAR I am just dating its nothing serious with anyone just yet. For a lack of better words we're just talking. I feel like they should come see me first. Am I being unreasonable? Plus New York is more fun than Detroit and I love my home town but this dude will already see me by default cause family is in Dallas. And Atlanta is Atlanta, nothing new. Its amazing what a guy will ask a woman he's interested in to do that he would never suggest to his mom, sister or daughter to do. I mean really , would a respectable guy suggest to their daughter to go see a guy she's only talking to, to fly out to his city...come on I seriously doubt it.

As a woman I want to feel desired. I want a guy to want me enough that he will come to me  and sweep me off my feet. I want someone who will make the effort to pursue me. In as much as its seems to be an inconvenience I believe I am worth it. I'm smart, sexy , talented, fun and with the right guy I could be very fun, if you catch my drift (lol). And not to get all self-righteous, holier than thou Christian on yall but somewhere in the bible, I don't know where, doesn't it say: He who find a wife finds a good thing?!? My point is I've been the girl to make the first move and its always been the wrong move . I'm ready to settle down and have a few babies but I'm not gonna do all this with someone whose not making the effort.

So I ask you dear friends, who should see who first..... Me or  Him.

Why I Will Marry A Black Man

A few nights ago I went on a date with a handsome young man I met on the train ( clearly I wasn't following the rules my mother taught me about not talking to strangers). He was tall, handsome and Puerto Rican. The date started with him sending for a car service  to pick me up in Queens, which is where I live. I was very impressed and kinda curious cause we met on the train, the E train at that. Never the less it was still very nice gesture and it defiantly got him panty points (lol, jk, not really). Anyway we met up at this very nice steak house in the city.  In as much as I may have been rude I just had to ask him, "what do you do for a living?" I mean he was rolling out the red carpet for me as he should but I didn't want him to go into debit  excepting me to cash in on his panty points. He didn't get that many points (lol).  Come to find out my latin lover is a finical investor and dose some type of international business. You know I had to ask if his international business had anything to do with illegal narcotics. He laughed and said no, but I was so serious.  Impress with his line of work I had yet another question, cause as a woman I just can't let things be. I asked with his line of work and his expensive taste why was he on the train. Of course he had a very humble answer, he likes to people watch,plus riding the train keeps him grounded. Now I'm not sure how much of this was true but I figured I'd buy it for a free steak dinner (lol). As the night went on we talked about what we liked to do, our hobbies, and oh YES!!! Football.  Clearly he's a Jets fan, what New Yorker isn't (lol). He had great conversation, the night was amazing. I have to be honest  as shameful as it is for me to say but I have never been a date of that magnitude...EVER.

Being a woman my age , my mind quickly rushed us to marriage with a baby in a baby carriage (lol). Riding back home I thought to myself what it would be like to marry a outside of race, having half breed babies, eating collard greens with spanish rice (lol). We could salsa and do the Cupid Shuffle at our wedding.  My daughter can have a sweet 16 party and a Quinceanera (which is a sweet 15). My son can play soccer and football and become and NFL kicker. My 2.5 children can have the best of both worlds.They will have Cinco De Mayo ( minus the margaritas,lol) and June tenth.  I mean successful black men are always creating interracial families... Hell if I can't get em why not join the other team. Then I got to thinking about my parents and how my father was with my mother and with me and my sister.

I grew up in a two parent home with a father who made it his number one priority to make sure my sister and I got to school everyday on time, with a quick prayer before leaving the house. Of course my mother asked him every day "did you pray with the girls"lol. Granted he wasn't the best at combing our hair  he still made sure we he got to school (lol). My daddy was super cool growing up even though in the winter he made us eat prunes to keep my sister and I regular, not sure why that was so important in the winter and not any other time of the year (lol).  Although my dad is a pastor of a church he always kept it gangsta when it came to his girls.  I remember arguing with the lady in college about my tuition being paid. The lady said to me"obviously ya daddy didn't do what he said he did" I called my daddy and well let's just say her attitude changed and I was quickly enrolled in school. My daddy was cool and alway looked good and smelled good. He even help my mom with perming my sister and my hair for the first time, he was in charge of rinsing and shampooing (lol). He and my mom would play this game "Honey home" everyday and when he walked in my mom would run to him. He took my mom on a date every friday and til this day he keeps her driving a clean Cadillac. Now only a black man knows the value of a clean Cadillac.

When I reflect the fond memories of my father as man and a husband to my mother I can't help but want to marry someone like him. He was far from perfect but that doesn't take away from him being the best father ever. I want to marry a man that will instill our African history and heritage in our children.  I know the media shows Black Men as the image of ignorance and disrespectful to women but I can't help but believe theirs a black man for me that will take me out on a date every friday and keep me in a clean Cadillac. I can't help but believe that there is a black man for me that's got a lil gangsta in him just in case someone one wants to show out on me and kids he can handle it without  causing a scene (lol). In as much as I loved my date with my latin lover I can't help but want what was given to me as a little black girl.

To my friend who travels outside their race to find true love do whats best for you, but I'm a stick with the brothas... There's at least one that will love me for me.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Black History Month/ A Lost Language

This morning while riding the train I noticed a sign written in several different languages. It was a sign letting everyone know that there will be a new train route starting at the end of February. Just so everyone was clear on the new changes they printed the poster in chinese, indian, spanish, russian, and english. As I took my eyes off of the posted notice I realized I was sitting in between to men. One man was reading an Asian news paper and the other man was reading an Indian news paper both written in their own language. As I rode the train to work I thought about the fact that I am African American and as a descendant of  the African culture and origin their was no original language for me.  When our ancestors were brought over to America they were striped of their language.This country took our language from your family as well as mine. The language of our people is no longer in existence and all we have is the history create today.

This month is Black History Month. This month is important because its all we have left of who we are. 80% of inner city volunteers are white women. In as much as they are taking out the time to give to our dying youth they are not teaching our children the truth the facts of what it is to be Black in America. We can give every excuse in the world why we can't but the truth of the matter is WE MUST!!!. We must volunteer the information of who we are, where we come from and what makes us who we are to those who are coming behind us. No one can tell our story like we can. We've lost out language let's hold on to our history.

In honor of those who have come before us I have posted a tribute to the BLACK HISTORY... Enjoy

Southern Singing to City Living

Today it is extremely cold in New York. It's cold like ugges, hat, scarf, and leg warmer, ear muffs, and gloves. In this kind of weather is a MUST to have all of the above. I know you're probably thinking, well what did you expect in New York, unpredictable Dallas weather. Well to answer your question,Yes I did. Don't ask me why I just did.

What makes the weather even more worse is that I work long hours and catching the train in 25 degree below 0 weather late at night makes the wait much longer than it really is. In as much as New York is a very busy city catching the train definitely teaches you patience. I don't care how much I am in a hurry I still gotta wait on the train. Its so funny in college I use to tell my friends that I was moving to New York to be the Black Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City. But the reality is that SATC was a fictitious TV series because the truth of the matter is I don't know how in the world Carrie was a writer wearing $500 shoes, living in a huge rent control apartment and catching cabs everywhere. Cabs are expensive, very expensive and with there being heavy traffic it doesn't make life simpler.

Whoever said that if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere, wasn't lying. I miss the days where I can wash my clothes in my home and not have drag the down to the laundry mat.  The sad thing I can't let my laundry pile up because the heavy load become unbearable and the journey becomes even more of a very exhausting experience.This is the same for grocery shopping as well. OMG!!! buying groceries and carrying them down 8 blocks is the best workout. At first I hated it and then I thought I really hated  it but I found the good in it and  thought about all the calories I was burning (lol) .

Going out has its struggles too. For the most part it takes me three trains to get to exciting side of the city.  I have to take the 7, N, and either the 1 or the 2, talk about perseverance and determination (lol) . Lawd have mercy, running in heels to catch a train late at night is like making an attempt of suicide  I leaned the smartest thing to do is take a nice size purse that my heels can fit in and then wear my flats on the train, just in case somebody crazy wants to run up on me I can burst a fast and serious move (lol). However that too can be a gamble. Some clubs insist that you throw your shows away, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Clearly how can a flat shoe be considered a deadly weapon. What am I gonna do?!? beat a woman to death(lol)  I'm sure after a few hits from my shoe to her head she'll find a way too attack me with her rat tail comb and  I will be the one stabbed to death, but I digress. The crazy thing  is people go out here and lines are wrapped around the building and women are dressed half naked  (cause we are on the market)  and not wearing a coat. I mean its freezing and they're wearing heels and are shivering due to the coldest of cold weather and no coat on?, Not I said the single black woman, the last thing I need is for my coochie to catch a cold(words from my granny)  I am always making sure I look good showing off the best of my assets but I'm not gonna kill myself doing it, hints the reason for coat check. It's New York of course they're gonna have coat check why wouldn't they. There is a fee for it, but if I can't pay the fee, going to this club aint for me(lol).

In a nut shell New York has been one hell of an adjustment, but I'm taking it all in stride. I stopped asking God what am I doing here. That answers easy, because I moved here. Now I want to know whats keeping me here, what are my expectations of being in New York. My friend Leon in Dallas use to tell me all the time that all the things I  want to do can be done in Dallas and now I'm beginning to believe he might have been right. But I'm here and for the first time I've decided not move until I get all that I'm suppose to get in this part of my journey. Unless I get knock-up  then I'd have to go home. I can't raise a baby by myself and I'm afraid my sister and mom would run off with my child away. So i might as well surrender to their will (lol). However that wont happen anytime soon. Thanks to my long work hours I don't have to worry about that. I haven't had time to meet some very sexy gorgeous man to color with (lol).

So to my friend who is struggling with adjustment to a decision you've made. If for no other reason stay there until you gain all that you can from this part of the journey that you're on.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

No More Fear This Year

Working in the music industry is a great experience but  at the same time it has got to be the most unstable industry to be in, especially when it comes to Black Entertainment. I love my job (Lawd knows I do) but working with my boss has been one hell of a challenge. I stress out all the time about if I am doing a good job or if she's gonna fire me for making a mistakes. I mean she's so cut throat that it freaks me out. My job is not hard at all. I'm an assist for Christ sake. I'm not curing cancer or discovering new research on deadly diseases. All I'm doing scheduling appointments and executing her administrative needs. Never the less I beat myself up on not doing a good enough job all the time. The more I feel like a failure the more I wanted to quit and go home. At least once a week I have said to myself "I don't have to take this shit, my momma loves me I can go home" (lol).The stress from my job got so bad that I poped a blood vessel in my eye... Oh wait, time out, flag on the play unnecessary roughness on ME!  I am on the market and I can NOT being looking like I've subjected myself to an abusive relationship... NO WAY NO HOW!!!

Breaking a blood vessel I knew it was time to get a grip on myself and say enough is enough. So I decided to just STOP. STOP being so afraid of not doing a good job, or being good enough. Most importantly I've decided to STOP beating myself up. I mean lets be honest my greatest fear of not doing a good job has clearly come up on me. I've sent more emails to the wrong person then the right person. I've delivered itineraries with missing information . Lord knows I have done it all. I don't pay attention to detail very well (its not one of my strongest traits) and I am going to mess up sometimes.  I am a born perform it is what I do best but right now I am the assistant to a woman who can kill you with her words alone.  So  if her words are going to kill me at least I know I'm going to Heaven, well as long as God threw my sins in the sea of forgetfulness, I should be good (lol).

I am reminded of the bible story Job. A man who worshiped God all because he was afraid of losing all that he had, only to eventually lose everything. It was when he surrendered to his fear that God was able to give hime back all that he had lost. The most valuable lesson I've learned coming into this New Year is that I can't let my fears get the best me. I have to accept my flaws and decide with time the things I struggle with I'll get better at. I can do this and I will do this job well. Quitting is NOT an option and if they fire me God will provide, my momma loves me and well I can always go home. I've been fired before and I've gotten another job. I am a 32 year old woman whose eggs are ready hatch which makes me a woman whose ready to get hitched (lol). I must prepare for Calvin Johnson (Mega Tron) to find me, fall in love with me and make his Mega wife (lol)

To my friend who is a afraid about anything. Take it from me, accept, embrace, and surrender to your fear. Once you do that you can work through anything.

Til Next Time:
Simply Lola

Agree to Disagree: A Disagreement with Danita

Everyone knows how much I love my sister. My sister and I are absolute best of friends... poller opposites but thick as thieves  My parents taught us at a very early age that we are ALL we got and it has stuck with us for a life time.  In as much as we are very close sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Its tragic but true that we just don't think alike, especially when it comes to MEN!!!.Now Danita is married  and I, sadly to say am not married. She's younger than me but she thinks knows every thang and yes since I want to be married it would be ideal to take her advice but in this case I just can't do it.   Which brings me to the situation at hand.

For the past 6 months I have been casually dating/ talking to this guy that lives in Dallas. At the beginning of us connecting we hit it off great. As time has gone on things have been very inconsistant with us talking and seeing each other. To make a long story short the last straw was when I went to Dallas for the Holiday and he didn't call or even come by and see me. Now he has said that he is interested in me and likes but his actions aren't adding up. To make a long story short when I opened up for Jon B at the BB King club/loung in New York Time Square I got a lot of great response from friends, family, and people that attended the show. Out of no where this guy sends me a message  via twitter wishing me well and later asking me how did the show go. I thanked him for the support and I let him know that the show went very well. He later said he was proud of me and he'd call me later cause he wanted details. I told him that I was grateful for his support and really appreciated him wishing me well with the show, but there was no need to call me. My exact words were: You didn't call me when I was in Dallas and you're inconsistant which leads me to believe you have a lack of interest in me, so  lets just stick to being social media friends. Of course there was no response and then out of no where he start sending messages saying Good Morning  and How is work, blah, blah , blah.

Since my sister is my best friend that doesn't judge me I  tell her this whole story and she tells me that I am NOT being fair because I refuse to respond. She starts going on and on how maybe he just wants to take it slow and I should really give him a chance. I couldn't believe it!!! Out of the 6months we've been on one date, and he had a brief kiss ( that was actually nice) but other than that it has not gone any where. He doesn't so much as Skype me and if you haven't notice but I am a very attractive woman. Then Danita goes on to say that I should enjoy the moment ...WHAT MOMENT!?!? moments of inconsistency!!! She started telling I'm to hard on guys and I just give him a chance. I couldn't believe it!! Danita is the author and finisher of " YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU and she wants me to compromise.  I am a woman in my early thirties  whose biological clock is running a race of its on. My eggs are diminishing as we speak. I don't have time to take things so slow that I become someones girl friend of 10 years, sorry I can live the life of VH1 Love and Hip Hop, no not me... Aint Nobody Got Time For That. I had a long day at work and I didn't have the energy to go back and forth with her so I have decided to agree to disagree on a subject.

This has been on my mind ALL night and now I'm reaching out to you all  cause I just need to know whose side are you on? Mine or Danita's? Am I really being unreasonable or is she just being too passive.
Really, what is the deal.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

Mixed Emotions/ Opening up for Jon B

My New Year is starting off Great. Today is the big day I open up for Jon B in Time Square in New York City. I have mixed emotions. I'm excited, nervous and a little sad at in one.

I'm excited because I'm doing something I love to do and thats perform. I am a performer its what I love to do and who I am creatively. To be able to start off the  New Year doing something I love to do just makes this moment ever more of an awesome feeling. Time Square, how many people can say they have performed in Time Square...not many. So just that alone makes tonight a great moment. Plus its Jon B I mean he's old school, but he made classic hits and for that I am truly honored.

I'm nervous because I have no idea what to expect. I am singing with all tracks because I can't have a band. So it will be just me on stage....ALONE, by myself (no pressure,lol).  Not only that the songs are coming it back to back with only 15secs in between. The good thing about a band is I can feed of their energy and change sounds and vibes its so much fun. Its a good thing I'm not a talker (lol).Then I'm singing all cover songs. For those of you who don't know what a cover song is, its when you just sing popular songs from the radio or an era. I have no problem with this but I am just praying I picked the right songs. I don't know what the audience is going to be like and how many people will be there... all of this has got me crazy. It's not much I can do about it now but go in and kill it in the best way I  can.

Finally, I'm sad cause I wont have my Dallas crew here with me. Lauren wont be here to mouth the words to me, cause Lord knows I forget lyrics in a minute. Kim Hunt wont be here to cheer me on cause thats just what she does. Frank, Daylon, Reggie, Robyn, the Roy Williams SafetyNet foundation...  non of the homies will be in the building. My church family usually makes coming out to support me at my shows as one of their worldly activities but I guess my father didn't approve a bus trip to New York (lol).  I have recruited some New York fans, like my friend Monica and her sister Michelle will be there and a few other people. But to make it like this which is huge to me and not have my crew or even my band just dosen't make it the same.

Please pray for me that the little fear I have turnes into GREAT FAITH!!!, I miss you guys and just know this is just the beginning. Love YA, check out the site

http://www.bbkingblues.com/bio.php?id=2194&o=1

Til Next Time
Simply Lola