Finding My Way To Love

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Positive Plays

Positive Plays

The football season has started and it’s very clear to see whose winning and who is absolutely losing. I am a Dallas Cowboy fan with a Tommie Harris crush (hey, what can I say I like them tall, dark, and handsome (lol). I was slightly heartbroken over the Cowboys lost to the Bears but at the same time happy for my heart throb. While watching the boys in blue I manage to catch the Philly Eagles reign victorious over the Detroit Lions. Michael Vick took no prisoners and played his butt off. Having the starting quarter back (not sure of his name) out with a concussion it was only a matter of time that the three time Pro Bowler would be the man for the Eagles. However it’s amazing how people are determined to continue to bring up his past. I mean this man could possibly take this team to the super bowl(stranger things have happen) and the puppy chow people across the world will still go on strike, picketing the NFL headquarters and demand the quarterback to turn in his championship ring for dog food. With all the good, Vick is still catching a lot of bad. I respect Mr. Vick because while there are so many people still living in his past, he has mange to excel in his present, and prepare for his future.

I was talking to my friend Crystal last week about how I felt I needed someone or something to rescue me from myself, I told her I keep having ongoing battle of frustration with myself to the point that I was angry and disappointed with me. I continued telling her how I felt like I was killing myself with worry, regret, and fear. I just wanted to be saved from me. As I am writing I know I must sound like a white girl charity case, looking for sympathy but the truth is I’m not. I’m a black girl that has recognized I have issues and I need help. On Monday night after a day gone all wrong, I fell to my knees like Liz from the movie “Eat, Pray, Love and just asked God to help. Help me to forgive myself, and love myself. Help me to live with confidence regardless of how my past looks, just help me GOD! I didn’t pick up the bible or start to speak in tongue but I did start to calm down and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and I get to work and what do you know a woman calls in angry because she’s lock out her Seniors Meet account (a online dating service). She begins to just attack me with name calling and rude gestures (and she wants to know why her old ass is still single) I apologize for her issues and let her know I’m just a receptionist and can’t help her. Of course at this point she has damned me to hell, and hangs up in my face. The day before I would have probably agreed with the names she was calling me, I didn’t know an old woman could say stupid “B” so many times in less than a minute (lol). I laughed and realized how much time I’ve wasted with what I absolutely could not change, and decided not to beat myself up anymore. In as much as I’ve been a stupid bitch before, I decided that day not to be what a stranger was determine to remind me of what I left on the floor of my bedroom the night before.

I’m sure Vick gave himself a good swift kick in backside when it seem like his world and career was coming to an end but the moment he decided to start fresh the puppy chow people were ready to put him right back in a place he left behind. We all have moments were we personally attack ourselves and its ok because the day we decide to give ourselves a break there’s someone waiting, ready to pick up where you’ve left off. No sense of wasting time beating ourselves up when we got people ready to throw jabs every chance they get. Make today a day of positive plays. You may not be the starting quarterback but you will start to feel better.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

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