Finding My Way To Love

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Simply Lola : My Apology/A Vote Of Confidence

I would like to start my blog off with a public apology to Washington Wizards SF Josh Howard. A DC sport reporter quoted me as the unreliable source, yet humorous regarding my point of view about a party I attended. Unfortunately Mr. Howard or any of his homeboys found my statements funny. So anyway I’m sorry, who knew, people actually read my stuff (Shocker!).Josh Howard is a very nice man and I thank him for allowing me to sing at his event

As many of you know in college I interned with DTP (Disturbing Da Peace). One day at the office I was talking with JC Luda’s long time friend/DJ asking him what he had going on for the night. He said he was meeting a friend at the strip club “Strokers”. He asked had I ever been to a strip club and if I would like to go. I’d never been to a strip club and was very curious as to why T-Pain was so in love with them, so I agreed to tag along. We get to the club and my first thought was: OMG, um ah acccccuried. As I sat at the table with JC and his friend I begin to admire the dancers confidence (no homo) I mean they were so sure of themselves and appeared so secure in their performance, it just blew my mind.(damn, if I could only sing with that kind of assurance) I was about 23 at the time not looking a day older than a shy school girl at the tender age of 12 wondering, how do they do this, I mean I can’t hardly look at myself naked when I’m getting out of the shower let alone in public. These girls are perfectly comfortable with absolutely nothing on. There was a guy sitting at the next table over getting a lap dance, when the dancer was finished with fulfilling his fantasy she sat next to me bare ass and all, with her legs gapped opened huffing and buff. She took a drink of water (I think it was water) and with frustration she said: (niggas is always bullshitin). My eyes got wide, shock by her statement; I sat up straight in my chair with my eyes glued to the bar I didn’t want to appear judgmental. I’m not sure why but the pissed off stripper started a conversation with me. We didn’t talk about much due to the fact I couldn’t get over the fact that she was so comfortable sitting next to me with absolutely nothing on. Before I left with JC I told her that I admired the fact that she was comfortable and confident with herself, she smiled and rolled her eyes with her fist against her thigh saying, shit I aint got time to worry about what niggas say when I got fow (four) babies to feed. Her words spoke volumes and til this day I use them as my birth control (lol).

This past week I was in a writing session with Eric Duwain who is by the way a great writer /vocal arranger. I got this idea for a Hip-Hop song that if packed together properly will be the start of something really great for me and everyone working with me. We wrote the song in a matter of two days. The track has been created and now all I have do is just sing the song (sing the song Anna Mae, sing like you wrote it…lol) Here’s the problem I have never ever sang Hip-Hop. Hip-Hop songs don’t require very much or any singing what so ever. All a hip hop songs require a hot track and a hell of a lot of confidence. As Eric was arranging the song I felt I was in a war zone with my thoughts. It was as if every embarrassing failure kept playing one after another in my head. Like my first day of middle school I had to pee so bad I accidently walked in the boy’s bathroom and this boy runs out and starts yelling down the hall this fat girl was in the boys bath room( there goes my date to the Valentines dance). Or the time I got so drunk after seeing the Titan at a party that I threw up all along side Daylon’s car (it wasn’t one of my favorite grown and sexy moments). Oh and I can’t forget the first time I had ever spent the night over a guys house I was so scared that I got gas and before I even get my naked butt out the bed and to the bathroom a loud roar came from my stomach and out my ass, thankfully the guy snored very loud and the smell passed very quickly. With all of these thoughts going on in my head I just wanted to run out the studio and just forget it. I just couldn’t bear the thought of making a complete and utter fool of myself any more. As much as I wanted to run, I couldn’t just get up and go.

At the end of the session on my way home I drove in silence and prayed. I told God that I really needed his help in completing this song. I thought about the stripper from Strokers and how her children were her vote of confidence. Being that I don’t have any children I need something to make me feel like I can do this song and do it well. As I searched myself to find my “something” I found myself thinking about my niece. My niece is only five and thinks I am the greatest singer alive, I mean she thinks I am better than Beyonce. Every time I pick her up from school she always says, Auntie can you play your songs I love to hear you sing. So that’s it I have to do this song because my niece is going to want here me sing.

To my friend that needs a vote of confidence please know that the mind plays one heel of a game with past thougts. The past may be something unforgetable, and if you're like me thinking the world is laughing at you ...well at least you got thir attention so show them what you got.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

1 comment:

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.