Sunday, April 10, 2011
Dear God, Who Are You
A few days ago I wrote in my journal; Dear God , Who are you? Growing up and practically living at my father’s church, attending Sunday school classes, vacation bible school and memorizing bible verses and Easter speeches, you’d think I know exactly who God is. Last year my friend Crystal and I read the book “Eat, Pray, Love”. The author of the book had her first conversation with God on her bathroom floor, leading her to Italy, India, and Indonesia,only to become a bestselling author having her godly experience be put on the big screen last year. It’s amazing White people go to India or some estrange place that’s far away from their fast pace lives to find God. Only to return back to their fast pace world, adopting a kid from every culture across the globe, starting a foundation for the poor black kids in the inner cities, building a meditation room in their over price home, practicing yoga religiously, and just enjoying their holy new life. While Black people find God at the nearest store front church, no longer enjoying casual coloring, social drinking, or any of the worldly things they use to know and love. Only to be confined to an assigned church bench, making commitments to all church committees, singing “Jesus is on the main line, tell him what you want”. When they really want to know why they gave up good wine for witnessing and casual coloring with sexy single men/women for flirting with old farts on the Deacon/Mission board(lol). I already know, I’m going to catch a lot of hell for this, please pray for me(lol).
My friend Jai asked me if I wanted to be her groupie minus coloring, for the Lil Wayne concert/after party this past weekend. ( its our inside joke, sense I’ve always tagging along with her for every industry event). I’m usually down for any industry event but 3000 people at the Compound night club after a Lil Wayne concert sounded dangerous and like a lot of nonproductive networking for my music career. Instead I stayed home and watch reruns of NFL Access on the NFL channel (its’ my thing, plus the draft is drawing near). As I got ready to call it a night I thought about my life and how I actively participated in making every decision that has placed me where I am today. I thought about how I didn’t want to be a 30 years old woman with $1.93 in my bank account working as a nanny for a good friend, or single woman waiting for love (Shaun Phillips). To sum it all up I didn’t want to be miserable anymore. Without tears streaming down my face I simply said: Dear God, whoever you are, I don't want to be a prisoner to my worry and fear anymore.
The next morning I woke up and decided to go to the gym and not church (my grandmother is going to kill me, lol). I listen to the new Mary, Mary and burned 1000 calories. After the gym I had a slice of pizza (I won a free slice from some contest I entered awhile back), and relaxed at Star Bucks in midtown. As I sat at the StarBucks people watching I closed my eyes and asked: God, who are you? I sat there a little longer and heard… I am life. I did jump out my seat as if I saw a burning bush, I just sat in my seat and embraced him…life. Pleased by hearing God’s voice I smiled and began to laugh. I didn’t have to go to India or even to church to get my answers. All I had to do was sit still and right there is a Starbucks chair I got to know God and
Many people have definition for God and who he is to them. Liz from “Eat, Pray, Love said ; God dwells in me as me. My grandmother says God, is the almighty, who kick your ass if aint doing right (lol). I say God is life, and I choose to experience him (life) with pure enjoyment, loving every bit of it, no longer being a prisoner of worry fear and/or doubt.
To my friend whose unsure of who God is, ask him and he’ll tell you just who he is too you. You’ll know it’s him. Hopefully you wont freak out but just smile and accept him for who he is too you.
Til Next Time