Finding My Way To Love

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

It Is What It Is, Got To Appreciate That

As a big dreamer, I always want every audition or tryout to be my big break. I want every place I sing to be the place that I am discovered and Lola (the super star) is born unto the world. So far every audition/ tryout and performance has been just what they are, just another audition/ tryout, and just another performance. A few weeks ago I had gotten word that a band was looking additional singer. Being the ambitious kind of dreamer that I am, I auditioned and got the call that the band wanted me as their additional singer. My first day of practice, I quickly realized that I had just joined yet another band. The name of this band is called “Fast Company” specializing in performing songs from the 70’s and 80’s (i.e. old school), taking their dance moves very seriously all the way down to know which foot to start on when rocking from side to side ( its, right foot first). At first I wanted to quit, thinking that it would be a waste of time. But then I thought about all the great things that I wasn’t doing with my life and figured joining the band wasn’t a bad idea. I’ve come to accept the old school band for what it is and just enjoy being part of music. Plus it has become the great escape from my nanny job and living situation. It is what it is nothing more nothing less.

On the way home from practice last week I got a text from my favorite St Louis love. He was in town and wanted to know if we could hangout. Tired of having dinner with me, myself, a crying toddler, and a baby that shits worse than a grown man I didn’t hesitate responding, YES!. Our date of flirting and fun was set for Friday night. He didn’t have much planned but a movie and then back to his place, which was fine with me, anything to keep me away from the hollering baby, and that way too hyper two year old. I was excited about seeing him since we hadn’t seen each other in a while. We met in New Orleans a while back. He and I were staying in the same hotel and discovered after three hours of talking we had a lot in common. I had just broken up with the Titan for the first time and he was seeing someone in St. Louis. As fate would have it we found each other on facebook and kept in touch. I was very excited about our date, because I remembered the great chemistry/ connection we had when we first met.

When we met up for the movies he said I looked like a freshman looking for my dorm. I am about fours older than him so I took his foolish statement as a compliment, it was a very bad compliment, but it was compliment (I guess). After the movie I pulled out my blackberry to check my messages and he turns and says to me; a wise man (who’s never wrong) told me to never trust a woman with a blackberry. Shocked by his remark, I thought to myself (did I just become no good whore, based on my choice of phone purchase, this not going well at all). When we got to his house I attempted to engage in conversation, asking how he and his family were doing. In a sad and pathetic way he tells me, he and his family are fine (blah, blah, blah) boring talk. I was lost for words the whole night, thinking to myself, who is this grumpy old man and where is my exciting youthful lover I met in New Orleans!!! I couldn’t figure out why the change from positive to extremely negative, I thought about just packing my things and leaving but I needed a break from my house of baby poop, and midnight feedings (lol). So I stopped talking and started kissing. The kissing was about the nicest thing out of his mouth. We ended the night in an exhausting make out session, followed by the best sleep a girl could have ever asked for.

I really wanted my St. Louis lover to be the love of my life but he’s not, he’s just a guy that relieved me of fondling myself and giving me a goodnight sleep. I even wanted the band to be this great ambitious young group of musicians ready to take on the world but its just a group of old schoolers enjoying music while passing the time. I want both the band and my St. Louis love to be so much more than what they are, but they’re not. They’re just two situations to help me pass time while I wait for my big break and Shaun Phillips and I appreciate their company.

To my friend that wishes things are more than what they are, trust me, I know the feeling. But sometimes it is what it is, nothing more and nothing less. Appreciate the little things for what they are and continue to hope for the best.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

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