Finding My Way To Love

Monday, April 5, 2010

Simply Lola :Why?

Simply Lola :Why?

This weekend was the premiere of Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Marry Two. Black folks showed up at the theater as if it was the reelection of President Obama. There were girls night out invitations all over facebook. Both single and married women watch Janet, Jill, and the other two women (yall know yall don’t know their names either) portray charters that match their personality. Some married women went asking the same question as the movie title. Some single women went to see if they should get married, and I went to see few black men half naked on the beach (Hey what can I say, you have your reasons and I have mine…lol). Married men tagged along because if they were going to have any peace of mind for the weekend they had better make their wives happy by making it a date night. Some single men went hoping that at the end of the movie, they may score a coloring session (sex), and other single men went as confirmation just why they are not or will not get married. My thoughts on the movie are, the beginning was just okay. The middle… not bad, great suspense and the actors brought out the best in the roles they played. As far as the ending, well as the gay men on “In Living Color” would say … Hated It. The movie title had a word in it that really stuck out to me. It’s a word that is use to identify a statement as a question. Why?

I moved back to Dallas in hopes of my big management deal making me a star, only to find myself waking up while the stars are still shining riding the bus at 6:52 am volunteering at Roy Williams Safety Net Foundation, I did not leave the A for this sh!t (but I wont complain). I get up at 4:30am and I walk to the YMCA to workout for an hour and a half. I have been working-out for years now. I have been on every damn diet known to man. Now don’t get me wrong I have shed a few pounds and I am happy about that but there is still this one roll of fat the refuses to leave my stomach. For about three years I have been auditioning the National Anthem for various NFL, NBA, and Baseball leagues only to be wait listed. I go to some of the these games and stand for the National Anthem only to hear some off key over weight want to be Diva sing longer than Pattie Labelle, or some band that no one has ever heard of or will hear about singing the Star Spangle Banner. I think to myself (you have got to be f%&king kidding). I mean really this has to be a joke as a singer I am so insulted (tragedy). Date after date after date I go dressing my very best, with good girdle on sucking in my one stomach roll expecting some great connection, amazing attraction, and interesting vibe, maybe a little one on one coloring, only to be pissed and uncomfortable. Here I have wasted a good dress on a disconnection, no attraction, and disturbing vibe with a man that has absolutely nothing to offer me or society itself. My thoughts on coloring with this tragic experience (man) I just can't bare another disappointment therefore I will spare myself the struggle of pulling my girdle off and then back At the end of all of this I ask the question “Why”? Why do I keep putting myself through life's torture, and setting myself up for disturbing disappointments. Most importantly, why haven't I given up?

Insanity is to repeat something over and over expecting a different result. I audition every year only to be wait listed. I always ask if there was something I could do different and the answer is "Oh Lola you sing beautifully but we are just looking for something different"(yeah yeah yeah what else is new). I have read every “how to get a man book” that the law will allow. One book is telling me to be this way and the other book is telling me to be another way …and they say men are simple (I’m so confused) I’ve drawn my conclusion that being myself is so much easier, but after each date so far has had the same result. (tragedy) Just like the married couples in the movie searching for answers to their age old question, I to search to find answers to my age old questions. The answer I have come to terms with is simple, L.O.V.E. I keep auditioning, and dating, and exercising at 29 because of love. I love the fact that there is a possibility that one day I will be able to wear that two-piece swimsuit I bought two years ago. I love the fact that one day just maybe I will be what the Dallas Cowboys, Mavericks, and Rangers are looking for to sing “oh say can you see”. I love the fact that one day I will have a great connection, and amazing attraction with the one guy that’s for me ( hopefully I wont have to wear my girdle when I meet him).

If you feel like you are spinning your wheels and just don’t understand why, remember that love fills your hope, hope drives your faith, and well faith concurs all. Maybe just maybe it is worth all its pain heartache and suffering.

Til Next

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