Finding My Way To Love

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Simply Lola : No longer Wearing Bitch

Simply Lola : No longer Wearing Bitch

Simply Lola: No Longer Wearing B%TCH
This past weekend I was reminded in the most beautiful way that dreams do come true (well half way true). There he was standing 6”4 weighing in at 295 pounds and looking like an oversize dark chocolate heresy bar (yum), the one and only Mr. Tommie Harris of the Chicago Bears ( deep sigh). No worries friends I didn’t stalk him or tell him the names of our un born children, I figure I would save that for our first date…lol. He was holding his annual celebrity golf tournament in Norman Oklahoma. Many famous athletes traveled from everywhere to support Mr. Harris make a different in the lives of young children. There were eighteen holes of very cold weather with hamburgers and hotdogs. My team (Roy, Daylon and Jay) cheated and we still didn’t win (tragedy). At the watch party for the Lakers &Thunder basketball game, Tommie and I sang a duet (oh I should have taken a picture, damn). We sang “Emotional” by Faith Evans and Carol Thomas. It would have been the perfect picture of my dream but Mr. Harris forgot the words to the song (I guess I’m the only Faith Evans fan…lol) hopefully if we ever sing again I’ll pick a church song. I bet he knows the words to all the Baptist hymns (singing: Oh how I Love Jesus) (lol).

Overall, I really enjoyed myself just hanging out with family, and good people. I indirectly met the UT super star wider receiver for the Dallas Cowboys (Roy Williams). I was sitting next to a very nice young Asian woman golfer when the former Detroit Lion now Dallas Cowboy walks in and introduce himself only to the Asian golfer. I sat there wondering if I magically disappeared and he couldn’t see me, but when the Asian golfer looked at me and notice that he only spoke to her and not me I realized I was still physically visible. It was clear he was attracted to the Asian golfer and that wasn’t my problem ( she’s a very pretty lady). The problem was that he was rude. Another young athlete noticed the awkward situation intervened, and he introduced himself to both of us. I later saw Mr. Williams at the Laker/OKC Thunder watch party and wanted to ask why didn’t he speak to both the Asian golfer and myself. I wanted to know if he was freaked out with the color of my skin, were micro braids just a bit to afro centric for the conservative man he is, or was just doing his best to be an asshole. As disturbing, as it was for me to experience this type of behavior from a black man it made me feel good to see myself growth. I was shocked but I didn’t become upset or angry. I kept my cool wearing my one of a kind self-confidence, never changing into the out dated fashion of bitch. There was no need to, my black is beautiful and well his black is just rude.

As a single black woman, I use to transform myself to the likeness for superficial black man. I would mask my kinky hair with perms and weaves. Every morning I’d put on my magic body shape (girdle) hoping to transform into the plastic perfection of my childhood idol…Barbie. In the midst of my uncomfortable costume, I was still an unacceptable sight for eyes of my shallow black male lovers. I 'd makeup my face wearing colors of hate, anger and frustration (better known as BITCH) just so I can get through the day. Exhausted from defending and protecting the little bit of self-respect I had left I would peel off the uncomfortable costume and realize my emotional pain was cancerous to my soul. At night, lonely tears soothed the pain of resentment in my heart. Then I had a thought…. am I that bad. In all the bad there has to be some good. I started to notice my almond shaped eyes, my enchanting smile, and flawless skin. I realized the outside of my painting isn’t so bad. Then I saw the beauty of my giving spirit, and loving heart. Slowly I begin to love what my black boyfriends couldn’t see, and no longer needed to wear bitch for confidence.
This week find the beauty of yourself and love it with all you got. If you don’t love you, who will.

*Simply Lola*

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