Finding My Way To Love

Monday, March 14, 2011

“Sticking With Plan A”

Growing up most of us were taught to always have a plan B just in case plan A doesn't workout. For a single woman with a biological clock that's ticking Plan B is the guy you marry because you know he loves you and will do anything in the world for you, but is tragically unattractive. You force yourself to believe that size doesn't matter, although you seem to wear out the batteries in your vibrator more than your loving husband. Plan B is a safe haven with very little to no challenges, topped off with a routine that hardly ever changes. You don't talk much to plan B ,but when you do you're usually complaining about something he's doing or not doing, which turns into an argument about absolutely nothing. The truth is you're just frustrated because you really want to be with plan A.

Last week I went to Dallas to celebrate both my dad and niece's birthday. My mother threw a very fancy black tie surprise birthday party for my dad, and I skated the night away celebrating my niece turning six years old. Between the two birthday parties I managed to squeeze in some party time with my two good friends Chinedu and Robyn. Being that the both of them had to be at work very early, they were good sports about hanging out with me until whew hours of the night . When I wasn't partying like a rock star with my friends I was having good laughs with my little sister. I was looking forward to hanging out with my other friends but with scheduling conflicts it just didn't happen. I did however pick out a fabulous dress for my cousin for her big birthday bash coming up. In as much as I didn't get to see all the people I was excepting to see I had a good time,but for some reason Dallas just didn't feel like home anymore. Of course my family and friends are there and they love me very much, but for some reason I felt as if Dallas was no longer a good fit for me. It was as if I could feel my relationship with the big D (home of the Dallas Cowboys) ending. Kind of like my on and off again relationship with Titan (I guess he's not the only thing I'm letting go of).

My whole life I've always known that when nothing is working out for me, I could always go home. In secret I always knew the last time I moved back home that Marcus Spears wasn't going to be doing much with his record label. After meeting his best friend and business partner Gamar Crain, I knew my big dream would still just be a big dream and nothing more. But like a woman in love with Mr. Wrong, I just lived on denial street, hoping my gut feeling wasn't right. Don't get me wrong, I honestly believe their intentions to work with me were good, but I just wasn't a business venture priority at the time. The truth is I needed an excuse to come home. I couldn't bare my struggle in Atlanta anymore and when the opportunity presented itself , I took it. I have never given my all to my hearts desire because I always knew I had Dallas to fall back on. When I got on the plane to come back to Atlanta, I told myself Dallas is no longer an option. I made the decision to move back to Atlanta and pursue my career as a performer and that is exactly what I'm going to do. I can't throw up my hands and quit because I fall on hard times. I have failed so many times in my 30 years of living, and I have managed to survive every one of my failures. When I boarded the plane I knew my relationship with Dallas was over. So with tears in my eyes while feeling the plane take off, I simply closed my eyes and said good bye for good, but promising to visit ( I think I tweeted, and facebooked it as

My friend Omari once told me to embrace the struggle, because plan B sucks. My plan B was Dallas. Dallas doesn't suck but not giving me a chance does. To my friend that is considering plan B, stick with plan A. You'll have some adjusting to do in order for plan A to work. You're even going to fail, struggle, cry , and ask the question “Why Lord, Why”? But in the end it will be worth it.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola


Anonymous said...

Plan A is hard especially when you're the only one who believes in it. But all you need is a cheering section of one...YOU. Prove your plan right and soon enough the bleachers will fill. Good luck as always.

Anonymous said...

I don't remember telling you all that stuff and you seem to be writing about my life. I did settle for plan b and I think about plan a every single day! Don't give up because one of us should get her happy ending. Love ya, cuz.

Anonymous said...

Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D... none of these plans matter or will amount to much of anything if they're not God's plan. At 37 years old, I'm still learning how to surrender my desires and plans to Him. I know now that it's not so much about what I think my happy ending should be, but what He has designed me for. I truly believe that when we start to desire and seek Him more than we desire and seek to please ourselves ("I, I, I and me, me me") then things begin to fall into place. He is the best and most reliable plan.