Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thank You Monica!!!
Last night I was bored and decided to go a party at the popular Atlanta night club called Halo. I went alone wearing a silver dress that hugged every inch on my body. I looked like the black Kim Kardashin (minus the botox). Unaware that the club was rented out for a private party I did some name dropping, flashed a smile and I got in. Feeling confident and very sexy I walked over to the bar and a nice gentleman (all of 2 feet tall) offered to buy me a drink. I accepted his offer and we talked football for ruffly 30 minutes, until the rest of his friends arrived. I'm still not sure exactly who's private party it was but after being there for an hour or so I was getting bored, but oh did that change.
In the midst of my lonely boredom I was approached by the one and only, new and improve black version of the Pillsbury dough boy. His opening line was “ah shawty, what that is you dranking”. My response, “ a lemon drop martini”. He says “why you aint just get you a apple martini?”...Um gee I don't know, maybe because I wanted a lemon drop martini( Dear GOD why didn't I leave when i had the chance) Attempting to engage in more conversation,he asked me if I had a man, and of course I lied. Not only did I lie, but I lied with confidence and said YES!. But even my lie didn't stop him from talking to me. Out of nowhere he says “look red, I don't mean no disrespect but I'm out here trying to find the woman of my dreams, and when I saw you, shiiiiiiiiiit I just knew I was sleep walking.”OMG, WTF!?!?I quickly choked on my martini, laughing so hard in his face, spitting it out all over my skin tight silver dress, and said “Sir its been a pleasure” and walk away. While walking out the door this fool runs over and ask for my number. At this point I am over the whole night and say to “NO!”. I was so disappointed about how my night was going I decided to stop at Krystal's get a double cheese burger with fires and hang out with an old fling to cheer me up. On my way home I called my friend Monica and told her all about my night. As a good friend sympathized with me and reminded of the vision boards we made for the New Year. Motivating Monica noticed I wasn't listening and insist I deny myself of bad food,flirting with an old fling and adviced me to just go home. I argued with her about "just going home". I was pissed and needed food and four play to releave me of my dreadful night. Refusing to hang up, I surrendered to just going home. Just before we ended our talk, she say to me “if its really that serious, I hear masturbation is a great way to relax (Great, just what I needed more time with just me...lol).
I get home (still annoyed) and hop in the shower. As I feel the hot water run down my body I close my eyes attempting to get myself in the “mood”, and start to visualize Shaun Phillips in the shower with me, whispering in my hear how beautiful I am, while obsessed with how soft my skin feels, and kissing my neck. Unfortunately my imaginary four play with the San Diego, Chargers Defensive Lineman was distracted by the images of me eating a big juicy Krystal's double cheese burger and fries ( damn, I should have called Angela). Long story short I went bed even more hungry, even more annoyed. Thank You, Monica!!!.
Alcoholics have sponsors to help resist the temptations of the bottle. Over Eaters have sponsors to help them resist the temptations of pizza, pasta, and any other carbohydrates. Me, I have Monica, a sponsor that has reminded me, if I ever listen to her again, I will become an alcoholic and an over eater (lol). The only good thing about taking advice from my pretty friend, whose got men lined up by the truck load, was that I woke up, took all my frustration to the gym and had a good workout. However, I left the gym even more hungry but to tired to hump anyhing(lol).
To my friend that has a Monica in their life remember don't listen to her advise (lol). After a disappointing night, go get food, head over your late night flings house for some fun (you deal with the consequences later). But if you do take your Monica's advice, wake up the next morning, bust your ass at the gym. When you leave you'll feel great, hungry, but to tired to hump anything.
Til Next Time