Finding My Way To Love

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Simply Lola :Honoring Change

This past year I have read three books. The Secret, In the Meantime, and Think and Grow Rich. All these books have one thing in common; they all require you to love. As crazy as this may sound these books in very different ways explain that love is the root of all accomplishments. Love is the ingredient in completing all your goals and having all that you want. In a nutshell love is all we need. Growing up as preacher’s kid I was taught very early that God is Love. Here I am 29 years of age and I have absolutely no idea what love really means, nor do I think I have experienced love. I know my parents love me and a few friends here and there love me too, but self love is something I think I have short changed myself with in life.

I have been writing my blog for about a year now. The first title of my blog was “The Journey of Lola”, and now it’s titled “Finding My Way”. I look at my titles and I ask myself the question: “What the hell am I doing”. As a singer, where am I trying to go. As a single woman what am I trying to find. It’s as if I have been writing in search of something, but not sure of what it really is I want. Oh sure I want this great beautiful life with the glamour and the glitz of happily ever after, all smiles. In fact I’m sure most of you reading this want happily ever after with love, life and laughter as well. I wish I had the answer to getting what we want but I don’t. Like many of you, I have laid out plans for my life, built collages, and set goals only to find myself frustrated by failed plans, doubting vision, and just plane ole confused about why things go wrong. I realized that I have spent my twenties making drastic decisions under the emotional stress of life. I have compromise my sanity for exciting insanity. I have justified my irresponsible behavior with conscious reasoning. I have played the victim when I am sure I was the victimizer. In the mist of all this travesty, I just cannot enter the next decade of my life making silly mistake, having anxiety attacks because life is not going my way. As my sister would say: It’s time to put on my big girl panties and handle up…lol

My birthday is a few months away and I have decided to take all that I have learned from my readings and life experiences and honor my much-needed change, but instead of changing from the outside in (like moving to a new city, or making a stupid purchase) I’m going make the change from inside out. Many of my plans failed, and my vision for my life has become a bit blurry. Never the less I just can’t give up. To kick off my change I have decided to go on a forty day fast, cleaning out all my STUFF…you know insecurities, fears, doubt, worry, depression and anything not identified with love. I am not a journal writer ( its just not my thing) so for forty days straight I will blog. Blogging will help stay focus and hold myself accountable for my fast. It’s a plan that I am determine to complete.

My plan is for this fast is to clear out all my “STUFF” and gain clear and complete vision for the direction I am going in my life. My goal is to become patient with myself as I work through the changes in my life. Everyday as I blog about my transformation I will be honest with myself and with what I feel. Now I am not trying to enter the holies of holies or, heal the sick, raise the dead, walk on water, cast out demons, or become a prophet. I just want to live a life of love, work in my purpose, and become my destiny.

I have researched a number of fast and on Monday May 17th, 2010 I will write about the fast I decide to do. Forty days is a lot of days but it’s worth it

Til next week
*Simply Lola*

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