My life consist of happy hours, night life parties and every now and again I throw myself a good old fashion pity party. Last week I sorted through my life and decided because I was stuck in the house sick I wanted to have pity party. I just lounged around with my aching body and sang the ow its me song (you know... oh me, poor me, lonely me, ooooooo why me (lol) , and only inviting my heartbreaking thoughts of past broken hearts and goal setting failures. My party only lasted for about a day. A few friends called and checked to make sure I hadn't drowned in my tears of tragedy, and eventually I got annoyed with hearing myself say why me, why me, oh Lord why me. By the middle of the week I was back to myself and focused.
Thrusday I got a call that my friend April's older brother had past away. He had been sick for a while so her and her family were prepared but I mean is anyone really prepared to lay to rest someone they absolutly love, I know I'm not. The funeral was held on Saturday at my fathers church just two days after his death( so fast for Black folks). My mother and I prepared a few musical selections and a preacher from Chattanooga TN. gave the eulogy (fancy way of saying sermon). The title of his sermon was "When Bad Turns For Good". The preacher was very short and to the point, no long drawn out hooping and hollaring going back and forth for 10 hours. He didn't use his opportunity to put on a black baptist performance but more of an opportunity to provoke the thoughts of the living...just straight to the point. It was a shocking experenice for traditional Black Baptist.
Later that evneing my mother and I went shopping...well more like my mom shopped and I windowed shopped ( she bought me a dress,because she said I needed church clothes...whatever works). While browsing various sale items, I told my mom how I really wanted to move to New York. I really like the city and I was seriouslly considering moving. In the mist of me talking to her she looked at me and said well if you move whose gonna wash the dishes every night...you know my skin is sensitive(lol), and where will my niece sleep when she spends the night, she sleeps so bad(lol). My eyes got big , thinking lady are you serious,and she was. She took a step back and with a deep sigh she said ...oh well I'm sure we'll figure something out(lol). She encouraged me to enjoy my time by myself. She said explore the world live where ever you want to live, be what I want to be,do whatever I want to do and do it now. I said Vernita... no i didn't, I said really momma..lol. She made it very clear, I aint got no babys and no baby daddies, and I am single. Right there in Nordstorm Galliera we both begin to cry. I cried because I had her love and support, and she cried because she had to find someone else to do the dishes and sleep with my niece. It was a beauiful moment...(lol)
Pity parties are not a bad thing, I'm glad I had one(or ten). Crying, well I needed alittle cleansing. I'm honest with myself and well when I see my feelings and emotions in writing it allows me to put my life in prepective.I realize that my bad days remind me that I am human and God is with me, just being God not judging me just loving me. Knowing that makes life worth living.
I'm not sure who was having a pity party with me but I hope you woke. If you did, I hope you'll wipe your tears and wash your face. I sure just like me you've had some failed goals, and just like me are very sexy and single(its hard being who we are but we manage...lol). That's okay today know our lives are not so bad, and while we wait for our love list, we'll enjoy our presious time alone.
Til Next Time