Finding My Way To Love

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Finally Getting Closure

Last year I volunteered for “The Roy Williams Safety Net Foundation”, Roy Williams of the Cincinnati Bengals , that is, not the rude wide receiver of the Dallas Cowboys . I took on being a full time volunteer because it kept me busy. 2010 wasn’t the worst year of my life but it was pretty bad. I was back in Dallas with no car, no job, no money and living with my parents. I had given up everything for my big dreams of being a star in the ATL. In a nut shell life happens and that’s that. One could say Roy’s foundation was my safety net from falling into a great depression. I woke every morning faithful at 8am and rode the bus down town, hitched a ride with my friend Daylon and answered the phones and emails everyday for months. Working mostly around men I got to know how they think, and understand their nature a little more. There are two things they taught me indirectly and directly. They taught me that men are simple and don’t need closure to move one. I’m a woman, meaning I’m complicated and I need whatever I start to have an ending. It’s like coloring; if a man is going to paint on my canvas I need him to complete the picture with a satisfying orgasm.

Saturday night I went to a friend of mines boyfriends fight party, which meant there were going be M.E. N. in the building (lol). When I arrived to the party I was excited, bubbly, and ready to flirt. After being there for a few minutes I realized that my friend’s boyfriends guest were a bunch of stiffs. There were mostly couples engaging in “new married life” conversation and the single guys that were there had ego’s bigger than their paint brushes (penises) I drew the conclusion very early that there would be no love matches for me that night, and that I wasted a perfectly good sexy outfit on pure boredom. In as much of the party being a drag I didn’t want to go home, so I stayed. As sat in a seat in the corner of have large house and remembered how much the Titan loved boxing. This particular fight sold out in 48 hours, I wondered if the Titan was one of the few to get a ticket in such little time. So I texted him and asked. He responded telling me he had some business to take of elsewhere and couldn’t make it Vegas. It was with my simple text that we engaged in small talk via text. Nothing serious just questions like how was I doing, what’s been going on in our lives, blah, blah, blah. With the lock out and all he’s manage to keep himself pretty busy. Working so hard, he called me later that night to find out who won the big fight. I told him Pacquia punch Suga Shan Mosley out and laughed like old times. Our laughing grew to an awkward silence and out of no where the Titan, got serious. He asked me why has it been so long sense we’ve seen each other. Searching for a clever lie to tell, like I’ve been so busy with music and my new boyfriend that I don’t have I found the truth and said because I don’t trust myself around him. Respecting my honest answer he opened up and became honest with me. For an hour and a half the Titan told me how he actually felt about me, and I was silent the whole time (I know, shocking). I listened to him tell me the sexiest thing about me was me just being me. He told me he had never met a woman that made him want to be a better man, and how I challenge him to face himself and deal with who he is.

As I listen to him talk to me about me I made sure my ears took every word in, and my heart embraced every statement with love. At the end of our talk he let me know that all he ever wanted for me was to be happy and that I deserve the best, be it music or a man. He made me promise I would never settle for less.

I accepted a while ago that the Titan and I would probably never live happily ever after together forever.But I’m a woman and that means I still need closure, and that’s just what I got…closure. To my single friend needing closure from your own love warrior, all I can say is it will come when you least expect it. It will come at a time when you are ready to accept the truth and ready to move on.

Til Next Time
Simply Lola

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I cannot wait for my closure to come. Its been 3 years still waiting...can't wait for my time to come. I think that is the reason why I am so stuck with moving on with my life. It's so hard for women to move on get up and leave without the ending chapter. the life of a single woman.