Finding My Way To Love

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Home Sick Healing

I’ve been in Atlanta for about 5 months now and I am home sick. The truth is I have no idea why I even moved back here in the first place. I blame the Titan, had he just ignored at that one party instead of telling me he loved me I would be in Dallas happy and hating him (lol). I moved here to find love and pursue my music career. I’m so tired of my music career I could just scream. I have been professionally working on this thing for 10 years and the most I’ve gotten from it is a lot of disappointment (kinda like my dates lately lol). The one thing that keeps me going is my friend Cory, he’s always making sure I am staying on top of things (got to love him ). Honestly, I’d rather be married coloring with my husband than running from party to party, networking event to networking trying to figure out whose real and who’s fake. I’m so exhausted. I feel like I want to be rescued from myself, if that makes any sense. Where are you, handsome black prince, take me away and spoil me with your love day and night (deep sigh). Now that I think about it, what straight woman moves to Atlanta for love!?!? As much I would love to sugar code it, Atlanta has got more flaming female wanna be’s than anything else I know. All the more reason I am not coloring at this time, I don’t know whose straight or who’s gay or who’s straight and gay (lol). So I just keep my cookies in my cookie jar. Love is not on my side in Atlanta neither is the music world, yet I press on .

I miss home so much. I miss my niece and nephew (his birthday party was last week, and I wasn’t there ) I miss my drunk uncles and their drama filled girlfriends, I miss my sister threatening her to beat her kids with their own legs if that show out at school. I miss calling my friend Robyn at the last minute begging her to go to a party with me knowing she has got to be at work early in the morning. I miss having drinks with Lauren at Houlahans (happy hour Friday nights). I my friends Daylon and Reggie being annoyed with me because I’m trying to tag along everywhere they go (lol) I even miss running into the Titan at a party and ignoring him the whole night as if I could careless if he was there. I really got good at pretending to not care (lol). I mostly miss singing with my mom on Sundays mornings. Singing at the am service was the only thing we really shared a bond doing. The praise and worship songs never changed Glory, Glory Hallelujah Since I laid my burdens down (lol). I miss everything but I can’t go back because I’m crying like a baby. I have to stay and make the most of this interesting situation I’m in.

Every time something doesn’t go my way I want pack up and move. Even with men, they make me mad I just walk away without working it out, ignoring the mess I made. Not this time! I’m determine to create a master piece out of this moving mess I’ve made. I realize that singing the shoulda, coulda, woulda song only gets in the way of me living my life, and really exploring my options. I’m a grown woman and it is high time I start taking responsibility for my actions and accepting the choices I’ve made. Things are not that bad I am in two bands and I am recording my music, it just a very, I mean very slow process. I just wish things were better and moving faster, and that I could get some damn sleep. Oh how I would give anything for some S.L.E.E.P. I remember what my friend Angela said to me a while back; when you can’t do anything about your outside world just wake up every morning and say “This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made, I Will Rejoice, and Be Glad in it. So for now that is exactly what I am going to do.

To my friend who is home sick, trust me, I understand the feeling. Throwing in the towel now would be useless. You and I may not can change our outside world situations but we can change how we live within them. Embrace how you feel and just know “This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made, I Will Rejoice and Be Glad In It.
Til Next Time
Simply Lola

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How you feel is natural. I miss my family everyday, even though I visit often, it is the little things you miss the most. Weigh your options and do what's best for you! Regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels - you have to live this one and only life to the fullest - whatever makes you happy and complete and even if you're not sure what that is - try things/places until it becomes clear. God will grant you clarity in thought and location! Just ask! It's what's in your heart!!!