Friday, May 13, 2011
Every Sunday I call my grandmother just to check and see how she’s doing. This week I was talking to her and she was telling me about a old white man who asked her how does she stay looking so young and pretty. She told me with confidence; I told that white man I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t commit adultery!(lol) I laughed so hard and said; well Granny I don’t smoke and I don’t commit adultery either(lol). She said whispering as if she didn’t want my grandfather to her, I know you don’t commit adultery cause you aint married, but Tisa ( that’s what she calls me) you do fornicate, you got stop letting niggas play in ya tail. She said; I need to wait on the good Lord to send you a good husband that don’t beat on ya who aint a sorry ass and then you let him love on ya ( my granny has such a way with words…lol) and to think this is the same woman that is an ordain minister, the president of the womens mission board for the National Southern Baptist Convention and teaches Sunday school classes every Sunday
After talking to my grandmother I got to thinking about my blog “More Than Just Fuckable”. To say the least I got more comments on my facebook page than I’ve ever gotten about anything I’ve ever written. Many women found my writing on point and very funny, while others (mostly church going, bible totting judgmental Christians, and a few angry men ...lol) found it offensive. A former member of my dad’s church sent me a message on facebook deeply expressing her concerns about my being promiscuous. When I read her message I was flattered that she thought I had such an active coloring life. I informed her that there was no need to worry I have paused all coloring activity until I meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with. No sooner than I sent her that message it was if the flood gates of horny had open up.I woke the next morning needing an orgasm (lol) I went to the gym early as usual to work off the intention and it looked as though I walked into a world of shirtless men. Every man with a six to eight pack stomach was determine to show off their muscles. With water was glistening all over their body ( Martin Lawrence) Oh Lord give me strength. I went to work and what do you know my first assignment of the day was to undress the male manikins for a floor change. The male manikins at Barney’s New York are not your usual manikins, oh no these manikins are have artificial packages (if you know what I mean) and they come with pretty nice size packages, I must say the turn off is they’re blue plastic people (literally the color blue) Having to put pants on fake men while looking directly at their paintbrushes was frustrating than using a vibrator and having it cut off right in the middle of a happy ending because the batteries go dead. At the end of the day I felt like such a hypocrite. Here I am writing about how I have more than just a good time , or jumpoff and now I’m lying in my bed wanting to feel the opposite sex jump on top of me giving me a good time (tragic just tragic). I mean really, I just preached to the world that I am a lady who deserves to be loved, adored and respected, but know I'd give anything for some deep brush strokes while pulling my hair just a little ending with a good night sleep....don't judge :/
So what do I do? My grandmother said to wait on the good Lord to send me a husband. But just how long do I have to wait. I'm a middle aged woman with physical needs (lol). It sucks being a woman sometimes,our emotions have a mind of their own leading us one step at a time to the crazy house (lol). Don't get me wrong i really want to be a in a passionate, loving, romantic relationship with my dream lover but at the say time I have needs....physical needs that are really playing on my physiological emotions. The truth is I don't have many options at the moment so for right now I will take my granny’s advice and just wait on the good Lord to send me a husband that don’t beat or treat me bad and color with him as much as possible, making up for lost time (lol). F.Y.I; I’m only doing this for as long as I can.
To my friend who feel like a freaky hypocrite. I don’t know what to tell but honey I feel ya (lol). Follow the advice of Lola Mae ( my grandmother) for as long as you can. But if just can’t wait I understand and wont judge you (lol).
Til Next Time